music without words
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: [Complete - epilogue done] Yuki has finally told Tohru how he feels about her, but how is Hatsuharu going to handle it? (Au-ish)
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Fruits Baskets, but everything's she's been writing somehow goes back to Yuki or Hatori because she loves them so much.  
  
I wish I could have said it was a sunny day with the clouds nice and white outside. It would have been the perfect day to spend with Yuki, if I had anything to say about it. Then again, these are things you can't control, like Akito's moods.  
  
Things just happen when you least expect them, but I wish that I had known before I got myself into this situation.  
  
I laughed quietly to myself as I turned my head toward the window in my room. I wish that I could see clearly through the rain.  
  
No chance of that today, though.   
  
My eyes are blurred not because of the rain already pouring outside.  
  
It's because they're coming out of my eyes…  
  
music without words.  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Prologue – Strange day ahead.  
  
Today, at school, I was at the rooftop looking down at everyone below me. It was my favorite spot at school. Well, that and the grassy area just around the back, but I didn't feel like talking to anyone today.  
  
I just wanted it nice and quiet.  
  
I loved Momiji and all, but playing cops and robbers when you're a Junior in high school isn't my idea of fun. It just looks wrong. * sweatdrops *  
  
Momiji looks like a girl (not to mention he still wears the girl's school uniform because it really does look good on him) with all these boys chasing him from behind. I guess it's okay if there are no girls, but I don't know.   
  
Today…  
  
Today, for some strange reason, just seemed totally unusual.  
  
There _was_ a girl chasing him today and she was the 'leader' of the troop. It was really funny seeing Momiji's blond hair flying like a dot with this girl raising her fist in the air and pointing while shouting, "He stole a national treasure!"  
  
I didn't think girls of that age wanted to anything like that. Funny, how life works.  
  
I just finished my lunch and as I was about to take a short nap, there was Yuki at the far corner of the school.  
  
Alone.  
  
I know he always liked his space too, but he was sitting on a hill looking at everyone. Observing everyone like I was doing. Since I couldn't see his face, I couldn't tell what kind of mood he was in.  
  
That was…  
  
…until he looked up to the roof and saw me.  
  
With a brief hand up in the air, he said hi and went back to writing whatever he was writing into his notebook. I just stood there blushing a bit thinking that I was a fool still in love with him.  
  
I gulped and sat down to put my lunch into my bag. Then, I spread out and looked at the sky above me.  
  
Well, so it was nice and sunny today, but there were clouds forming. As the one cursed by the cow, I can say that when clouds come out of nowhere, they're bound for trouble.  
  
They wouldn't rain on me just yet, but they will.  
  
I just stared at them blankly because I wanted to nap, but now that I've had my glance at Yuki that day, I knew that wasn't possible. Why? He still had that hold over me.  
  
No matter what I did, he was still the same to me.  
  
I would always look at him like the first time he had told me, "I thought so."  
  
The day he had told me I wasn't a fool.  
  
Unfortunately, now I'm beginning to understand why the cow let the mouse ride on his back to get where they needed to go.   
  
The cow had it bad. Really bad. * sigh *  
  
I closed my eyes and shook my head as I felt my face becoming hot.  
  
"Baka," I whispered to myself while opening my eyes.  
  
The rain came earlier than expected because it sprinkled and hit just under my eyes.  
  
Maybe…  
  
Maybe the weather knew something that I didn't.  
  
Or rather, something I didn't want to know at the moment.  
  
It did.  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: This and another two fruits basket fics have been going through my head. As to how I was going to write them, the first is in progress, the second is sketchy (it's a little weird with the pairing…and it isn't kyou/yuki), and this one.  
  
At first, I thought that this would be really hard, and in fact, it's harder than I predicted it would be. I wanted it to be different, so I went for a third-person perspective, but by doing that, I couldn't zone in on Haru's feelings. Ending up with this perspective was hard enough, but what's a Hatsuharu fic if I don't make you feel like he does? That's what I've been known for, and I want you to feel how he does.  
  
For chapters, I plan to make this nice and short. A ficlet that isn't drawn out as a lot of other fics I've done. Unfortunately, this is the problem I'm running into with Gravitation's 'wrapped around your finger'. By focusing on all characters, I'm stuck and it's hard to manage everyone at once since too many things are happening.   
  
Specifically for this fic, I just want to make it warm. Not like when I make fics for other fruits basket characters: angry like Akito, not forlorn like Hatori, or identity-check Yuki.  
  
In the future, I hope to do a full multi-chap of fruits basket characters, but until I can find the damn manga (can't find a set!!) and get to know everyone, I can't. So, instead, I'm making this. It's weird that I should start with Haru since I thought it would be Kyou I would do a multi-chap for. * lol * And what did I end up doing? Liking Minagawa-sempai and made my first furuba fic with her.  
  
I hope you will enjoy this fic despite the fact that I know the tone is kind of weird. Except, Haru is unlike other characters I've written for. He's very gentle and I hope that I've captured him well. 


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Fruits Baskets isn't Yui's. She just loves it so much that she needs to write about it.  
  
music without words.  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 1 – crumble.  
  
I went back to class and everything went as they usually did, only there was sprinkling outside. It didn't bother me much, but Momiji kept on jumping into the puddles forming as we walked home.  
  
I sighed as I put my hands into my pockets and told him, "You."  
  
Of course, since I wasn't used to saying much, he understood exactly what I meant. After all these years, he should have.  
  
He pouted at me like a little kid and shook his head. He protested, "But it's fun!"  
  
I blinked at him and stopped walking for a moment. He pouted even more as he stood beside me while we resumed walking.  
  
"Let's go see Tohru today!" Momiji happily shouted as he put his hands together. His eyes sparkled at me. (It was his specialty so that he would get his way.)  
  
I shook my head. "I want to go too, but we have a big test tomorrow."  
  
He nodded sadly. "I know, I know."  
  
When we got to the main gate, I closed my eyes a bit. Because I had been really out of it, I forgot that this was the birthday of Momiji's mom and she and Momo had to go out to dinner with his father downtown.  
  
Smiling as we passed by them, Momiji just walked beside me without a word. As I took him to his room, he just looked at me. I pulled his head as soon as we had stepped into the room.   
  
And he buried his head onto my school uniform. His shoulders shook as he just cried and cried.  
  
No one knew this but Hatori and me. We were the only ones he voluntarily cried in front of. Maybe Tohru sometimes too, but she couldn't know what was happening here in the main house.  
  
But I knew that deep inside, there would always be tears there. And the many that he would never show them to anyone, not even to himself.  
  
I always wondered how Momiji could be so strong despite everything. Even knowing his own mother rejected him, and yet, he still finds a way to smile at everyone and everything as if it were the most natural thing in the world like the sun shining (as it should) every morning.  
  
I began to regret not going to Tohru's today…  
  
As I left, Momiji, I went to my own room and ate a snack. I knew deliberately that I shouldn't have done that before dinner, but I did anyway.   
  
"I need Pocky," I said like a mantra as I crawled around the room trying to remember where the hell _did_ I put my stash. When I found it in one of my drawers, I began to crunch on them while pieces fell carelessly into my notebook while I studied. I tried my best, but it was of no use.  
  
Yuki looking at me was all that I could see inside of my head. And that alone pushed everything else out of my mind.  
  
Maybe it was partially that I loved him so much, but it was also because I could see that he wasn't all there either. I knew him better than anyone, even if Akito would like to claim otherwise.  
  
I knew Yuki's mannerisms as well as I knew how to get home with my eyes closed, even if someone turned me in a circle three times with a blindfold. If his eyes didn't look at you while he was talking to you, he was embarrassed about whatever he did. If he folded his hands together, that meant that he was nervous about whatever he was going to do next.  
  
I knew Yuki even if he couldn't see into my own heart.  
  
Unable to concentrate, I just made myself some dinner and brought it up to my room. As I ate, I couldn't think of anything but Yuki's face.  
  
Ring! Ring!  
  
My thoughts were interrupted as I ran to get the telephone downstairs. The maids could have done it, but it had been a while since I dismissed them thinking I should learn to do things for myself.  
  
"Hello?" I answered while trying to hide the fact that I was really distracted for the day.  
  
A voice quietly asked, "Haru?"   
  
"Yuki?" I asked uncertainly.  
  
Yuki calling me?!  
  
"Are you busy?"  
  
I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "No, why?"  
  
Being busy versus Yuki.  
  
Hatsuharu, you baka.  
  
"Can I talk to you about something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
We then talked about where to meet and when. As I put down the receiver, I knew something was definitely wrong with today.  
  
Yuki sounded so sad…  
  
I grabbed my jacket and put on my shoes. Then, I just left without a second thought to the important test I was going to have the next day.  
  
But Yuki needed me.   
  
I sighed to myself. "I should kick myself later."  
  
I went to the park that was halfway between his home and mine. As I stood near the cold bench that we had designated as our meeting spot, the clouds were becoming darker. The only light I could rely on was the lamppost just a few feet away.  
  
I stood there in the cold with my hands in my pockets wondering why the hell was I here at 10 o'clock at night when Yuki lifted up his hand and said with a smile, "Hi, Haru. Thanks for coming."  
  
I shook my head. "No problem."  
  
I would do anything for you…  
  
Only, you don't know how far I'd go…  
  
As he sighed, he put his hands in his pockets and sat on the semi-damp bench. I blinked at him, but I slowly sat beside him as he just looked up to the dark, black sky above us.  
  
"I'm sorry I called you out." He smiled at me as he looked up to the sky again. "I know you're supposed to be studying for a test, so I'll try to make it short."  
  
Uh oh…  
  
He was avoiding looking at me. This definitely wasn't good.  
  
I just nodded silently next to him as he took out his hands and folded them on his lap and leaned forward. He totally avoided looking at me now.  
  
"Yuki…" I found myself mumbling.  
  
"Haru, you're my best friend," he began. "And I knew I couldn't talk to anyone about this but you."  
  
I smiled as I patted his shoulder. "You know you can count on me for anything."  
  
As I was about to pull my hand away, he held it. He held it silently for a long time while glancing out at the park before him.  
  
My heart began to beat faster and faster the more he held onto my hand, but his profile showed me that he was thinking about something far away. He was thinking about someone else.  
  
And I had an idea about who it was.  
  
The rain began to really fall. More than a shower, but less than a drench. Somewhere in between, if you know what I mean.  
  
Then, through the silence, his words cut me so thoroughly.   
  
I kind of wished it was something else as he told me, "I finally told her."  
  
"And what did she say?" I found myself blurting out while gulping.  
  
Half of me wanted to know, while the other half didn't.  
  
I wanted him to be happy, but I didn't want to be hurt. I wanted him to hurt a little for me, but I would never wish for that in the first place.  
  
Quietly, he simply told me, "No."  
  
I just blankly looked at him without wanting to cry, but how could I? At that moment, Yuki, the person who had been so strong and understanding in my eyes was weak and confused. He crumbled and shook before me as he leaned his whole body on my chest while closing his eyes.  
  
In the rain, I did all that I could do. I hugged him as tightly as I could while looking up to the black sky above us.  
  
While he had been quietly crying for Tohru, I was crying for him upon his hair.  
  
I didn't ask anything else as the rain began to drench us and became louder and louder in my ears. I knew what this meant.  
  
The person who had first told him that he was okay the way he was didn't love him as he wanted her to.   
  
I knew this better than anyone else, especially next to you, Yuki.  
  
I whispered into his ear lovingly, "Shh…I know, Yuki. I know…"  
  
Trying to be as strong as I could for him, I smiled at Yuki even though he couldn't see me. I knew now what Momiji was trying to do all these years while smiling, even when he was about to cry.  
  
Closing my eyes, all I could do was wrap myself around him warmly and tightly.   
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Gah. I didn't know what I was going to have Tohru respond, but I knew that if at anytime this situation would have happened, then it would break a lot of things.  
  
(Also, if anyone can suggest an yaoi ml with an archive, I'd be totally grateful. Thank you!) 


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Furuba isn't mine.  
  
music without words.  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 2 – Subete. (Everything.)  
  
After a while, Yuki calmed down, but the rain hadn't. I was still holding onto him when he tried to wipe his tears away from his face while he tried to smile at me. I watched him with a smile on my own face as he told me, "I'm sorry for making you come out in the rain."  
  
I whispered harshly into his ear, "Shut up. You know I would have come out even if it was a snowstorm out here."  
  
He began to laugh as he said, "Ah, Haru. That's what I love about you. You're so honest to me, and you never hesitate to tell me what's on your mind."  
  
I just continued to look at him without a word.  
  
If you only knew how dishonest I was, then you wouldn't look at me this clearly as you are now, Yuki. You would get upset with me, I know you would.  
  
"I think I better get back home," he told me as he was about to get up.  
  
I wouldn't let him go home like that though. I shook my head and I told him, "I can't let you go until I know you're all right, Yuki."  
  
"I am all right," he told me as he looked straight into my eyes.  
  
I stared at him just as intently as I answered, "Then why are you smiling at me like you're going to cry?"  
  
He closed his eyes while smiling at me, but when he opened his eyes again, a bunch of tears came out also. "Haru…"  
  
At that, I just sighed and put one hand on the back of my head as I got up. Then, I grabbed his hand and told him, "Well, I'm yours for the night, so what should we do?"  
  
I almost wanted to laugh. Embarrassing as it may have been to myself, I wish that I could have said those words under different circumstances.  
  
Yuki didn't say anything as I wondered what would I do to comfort him without worrying about my test. "We can't go back to the main house."  
  
At this, Yuki began to shudder.  
  
Akito…  
  
Someday, I will show you that you were wrong to make him your plaything…  
  
Just thinking about that makes me so pissed, but I remained calm for Yuki's sake. So, I looked from side to side wondering what to do as I just pulled him without him protesting to holding my hand.  
  
I felt like we were kids again when I pulled on his sleeve and told him, "Yuki, tell me a story."  
  
Only today, it was a different kind of story.  
  
The one he wanted to tell…  
  
And the one I wanted to say…  
  
They were things that may have broken both of our hearts. Both for different reasons, and not to the extent that each would feel them.  
  
We checked into a hotel and I just about forgot about the test by then trying to think that the makeup would be my best option now. At that, we entered the room and I told him, "Take a shower before we both catch colds."  
  
At that, Yuki slowly nodded his quietly and it drove me nuts on how anyone, whoever they were, faced with the person or thing they love and protect the most, they're as weak as mush. It's kind of stupid how love works that way.  
  
I could be in black mode and if you put Yuki next to me, I would calm down if he smiled at me. Man, the day he would laugh because of something, that would be the day I wish would be my last because I would die happy.  
  
I'm a sad individual with such little things to keep me happy, huh?  
  
I looked at the mirror before me while my clothes dripped water onto the floor, but Yuki called me to come to the bathroom. Blushing, my eyebrows almost touched one another as he took a shower beyond those sliding doors.  
  
My nose began to bleed as I saw his outline so I washed my face on the sink while asking, "Yes, Yuki?"  
  
"I told her yesterday," he told me as the shower continued to make its shh shh sound noisily. "While we were tending the vegetable garden, I smiled at her and actually found myself telling her that I loved her."  
  
I sat on the toilet bowl and turned away from the shower while stuffing my nose with Kleenex.   
  
"She told me that she loves me, but not in that way." He began to laugh. "I know I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I should have been satisfied with the way things were and kept all my feelings inside, but I couldn't go around the house without smelling the scent of her hair while restraining myself from grabbing her from behind and hugging her to tell her how much I loved her."  
  
I nodded silently knowing exactly how that was. I always felt that way about you.  
  
"But that's not like you, Yuki," I replied. "If you didn't tell her, you'd never live it down. And you hate that."  
  
"Yeah…" he answered without anything else to say.   
  
Then, he turned the shower knob and opened the door slightly to grab a towel next to him. I pulled on the robe and handed it to him to as he blushed while saying, "Um, thanks."  
  
I then took my shower and wrung out my clothes along with his. I put them on the hotel hangers and opened the window to help them dry, despite the fact that it was still raining.  
  
As Yuki sat on the bed drying his hair, I smiled melancholically as I stood before him and took his fingers away from the white towel from his head. I began to dry his hair.  
  
A million things were running through my head as I did this, but the only thing that I could feel was that I was frustrated for him and myself.  
  
We were both fools, but I couldn't tell him any of my feelings, afraid of making his wound bigger even if mine was already bleeding inside of me.  
  
"She…" he tried to say, but then he became incredibly quiet. Again, he tried to tell me something and it finally came out. "She was the one who showed me the world was beautiful."  
  
I nodded while dropping the towel to one side. Then, I pushed my forehead onto his and closed my eyes while holding his cheeks understandingly. "I know, Yuki. You don't have to tell me."  
  
I didn't know what else to say to him. I couldn't tell him things get better with time because even if they did, there was still that lingering feeling. You would love them through everything, despite whatever happened through all the years.  
  
I knew that.  
  
How could I still be in this hotel room looking at you and not know?  
  
At that, I betrayed myself by a tear falling from my eye.  
  
"What's wrong, Haru?" Yuki asked as I opened my eyes while leaning back to watch him carefully.  
  
"I'm mad at you, Yuki," I honestly told him.  
  
He didn't say anything as I continued, "How can you sit there and tell me how much your heart hurts when you know how I feel about you?"  
  
"Haru…" he mumbled while still keeping his eyes on mine.  
  
"It's because _you_ don't understand." I sighed as blinked at him with another tear slipping from my eye.  
  
"After all this time, you still think it's just a fascination or an admiration of you. But you don't know how much I've loved you since the day you told me I wasn't a fool." I still held onto his cheeks while trying to search through his eyes. "I was. I became one that day. And more so as we spent time together. And even more when I saw you dance like an angel in that New Year's banquet a long time ago.  
  
"Even until you now, even when you tell me you love Tohru while you're breaking my heart."  
  
"Rin will tell the world that she dumped me, but I tell you here and now that she'll never forgive me for saying that I couldn't love her. I would never learn to love her because Yuki is all I could think of." Smiling wistfully at him, I leaned forward to whisper into his ear, "Even if it's not the time or place, I want you to know, Yuki…even if you didn't hear it from other people…"  
  
I then pushed him onto the bed while I told him truthfully, "I love you."  
  
"Hatsuharu…" he said nervously as I kissed him while pulling the tie of his robe. He closed his eyes as his lips kissed me back while his hands tried to disrobe me.  
  
Then, I whispered over and over into his ear, "I love you, Yuki" while kissing him on every inch of his body as best as I could while his hands intertwined into mine.  
  
It still hurt though.  
  
Deep inside of me, even though I was finally making love to him as I always wanted, Yuki was still in broken pieces with me also falling apart. I was trying to protect him as best as I could, but was I doing the right thing?  
  
At that, I kissed him harder while he gasped for air as I turned him over and went inside of him without permission. His hands kept on grabbing onto mine tighter as the sweat on my forehead fell onto his back while I kissed it.  
  
Then, we collapsed onto the bed, he fell on top of me as I held onto him as tightly as I could. His hands wrapped around me as I kissed him on the forehead. With the blankets around us, I looked at his tired face and he smiled back at me as best as he could.  
  
"I don't care whomever you're with, or whomever you fall in love with," I whispered while running my hands through his hair. "Just as long as you know who you are, Yuki, and that you're happy. I know I'll always feel the same."  
  
"Why me, Haru?" he asked as his eyes looked deeply into mine. "Why do you love me even if I can't be honest with others about how I feel? Even when I hate myself sometimes for being the way I am?"  
  
I hugged him even more as the rain poured outside through the window. "I've loved everything because it was you, Yuki."  
  
When you cry,  
  
When you smile,  
  
When you get angry,  
  
When you laugh,  
  
I've always loved everything…  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: WAH~! Haru!!!! * sniff, sniff *  
  
I almost thought I was going to end it here, but then the story was just beginning, now wasn't it? Hmm…how to end this properly and with satisfaction…  
  
Uh oh…maybe this'll be longer than I thought. I hope not. 


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket isn't mine, but I love it a lot so here's a humble fic by yours truly.  
  
music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 3 – Determined.   
  
When Yuki had fallen asleep, I couldn't help but look at his sleeping face. It was a very cute face too. It was a face that I had never seen before. Well, not this close-up.  
  
I think the first time was when I opened the door accidentally. While we were kids, he was sleeping to one side facing the hallway. I opened the door to find myself turning red as a bright tomato.  
  
I was supposed to wake him up, but I failed to do so.  
  
Also with that memory, though, I remember Akito just as well.  
  
He was there with Yuki, but when he got up next to him, he smiled and bowed his head at me. I just continued to stand there with nothing to say.  
  
I didn't know what was going on when I was little, but there was something definitely wrong. Akito was getting up quietly as he walked over to me.  
  
As I backed away from the doorway, he carefully pushed back the door into place and took my face gently into his palm. "You like him, don't you, Haru?"  
  
I just blinked at him in nervousness while gulping. Yuki, at that point, was special to me, but I didn't know what the hell love was. If it meant staring and wanting to be with him all the time, then maybe that was true. I just didn't know it.  
  
"You can't have him, Haru. He's mine." At that, his eyes became slits as he threw his hands away from my face in disgust.  
  
From then on, my fear of Akito grew, but also my loathing of him because of Yuki.  
  
With Yuki in my arms, I fell asleep as peacefully as I could, but I woke up just as disoriented. I looked out the window thinking that I was in my own room when I found Yuki saying, "Mm…" while trying to hug me even tighter.  
  
I looked at the clock and sighed. It wasn't too far until school would start but I couldn't find myself trying to wake Yuki up.  
  
I just didn't want to.  
  
Maybe it was just my selfishness because I wanted to stay with him like this a little longer. While it was still peaceful.  
  
I knew by the time the sun beginning to rise outside of that hotel window that I would bear a punishment. And it wasn't only from myself, Akito, or Yuki.  
  
I have hurt Yuki because I loved him so much.   
  
"Yuki. Yuki…" I softly whispered into his ear while pushing on his shoulder a bit. "It's time to get up."  
  
He blinked at me and said my name. "Haru…"  
  
Reaching for my cheek, he closed his eyes as he kissed my forehead. At that, he patted my cheek as he turned away from me trying to sit up.  
  
I laughed as he lazily got up with such great effort just to sit up straight.  
  
I shook my head as I grabbed my pants and put them on. Yanking his clothes from the hangers, I put them next to him.   
  
"Don't you want to take a shower before going?" I asked him.  
  
I would be fine, but Yuki. Yuki would have my scent all over him.  
  
And some part of me despised myself for it.   
  
Before I had even pulled for my shirt, he pulled on my belt and shook his head. But he just sat there sleepily with the blanket over his waist and legs.   
  
I took a deep breath and tried to push my hentai thoughts away. It was just so perfect to just jump him…  
  
I then got his white shirt and put it over him. "Lift your arms."  
  
As I did pulled the shirt over him, I found myself kissing his neck. As I buttoned his shirt, I kissed him on the lips because just looking at his sleepy face was driving me nuts.  
  
Then, I pulled away as I handed him his pants while blushing. "You're tempting me too much."  
  
Yuki shook his head while laughing as he put on his pants as I put on my own shirt. "I didn't do anything."  
  
"Uh-huh," I replied as my cheeks burned red, but unconvinced by his answer.  
  
You're evil. Why do you think both the boys _and_ girls go for you at school??  
  
Unfortunately, some part of me thinks he's not aware of this because he was so focused on his shortcomings and Tohru. ^^;;;  
  
We each went home, got our uniforms, and went to school as if nothing ever happened. I was passing by Tohru when she greeted me and I just bowed my head from across the hall while Momiji ran up to her to ask if we could all eat lunch together on the roof.  
  
I was silent as usual as they talked, but luckily, I got to look at my book briefly to cram as much stuff as I could inside of my brain for the test next period.  
  
"Are you all right?" Tohru finally asked me and I looked up from my book to answer, "Yes. Everything's fine."  
  
She nodded her head. "Okay…"  
  
Then, she pushed some of her onigiri towards me. "Take some, please?"  
  
I nodded and smiled. "Thank you."  
  
As Tohru left a little bit early to talk with some people from her class, Momiji faced me with a serious look on his face. "Haru?"  
  
"Yes?" I answered while reading my book again.  
  
"Akito knows you were gone," he told me while folding his hands together.  
  
I just bobbed my head listlessly, unconcerned.  
  
I would fight anything as long as it was for Yuki. And I wasn't to give into someone who thought that making people fear him was a means of 'living'.   
  
Then, his hands reached out for mine. With concerned eyes, he told me, "Be careful."  
  
"Are you saying this for Akito or for me?" I asked while looking back at him not really knowing how to feel at that moment.  
  
"For both of you," he told me.  
  
--  
  
Momiji went to his room, but before he did, he held my hand tightly before leaving me. I was instructed to go to Akito's room as soon as I stepped into the premises.  
  
As I walked to his room, I took a deep breath.  
  
I didn't know what to expect, but whatever it was, I had touched a nerve.  
  
I had touched Yuki in a way Akito never would and I might as well as committed seppuku if he was going to rip my head apart with his bare hands. Well, that's what a sane person would do.  
  
I wasn't, though.  
  
When I got to his room, I was going to lift my hand to knock, but he just simply said, "Come in, Hatsuharu."  
  
I stepped in with Akito's back to me.  
  
When he turned around to face me, he told me to sit in front of him. As soon as I did, his eyes became dark slits that tried to puncture me with just their gaze.  
  
SLAP!  
  
I didn't even blink or move as I felt the throbbing of my left cheek.  
  
"I warned you years ago, Haru, but you didn't listen to me. I-" He stopped talking as he leaned closer to me. "That scent…"  
  
Suddenly, he grabbed my school uniform and tore the buttons open while pushing his nose closely to my neck as if he were about to kiss me. I could feel him tremble and his warm breath touched my shoulder.  
  
"No...No…" he laughed to himself while still holding me. "He is MINE, Haru."  
  
"Yuki was given to me since birth. He was mine since the beginning and I am giving him to no one else!!" Grabbing my uniform and looking me straight in the eye, he asked me, "Do you understand?!"  
  
I didn't say anything because it would be useless with him, but my eyes just looked at him with determination.  
  
"No, you don't!" He then began to laugh as both of his hands patted on my bare shoulders. I looked to one side as his touch reminded me of ice.  
  
"Yuki will always love that Honda girl. And I won't ever give him to anyone," he told me quietly. "Do you think he can ever love you when he fears me and can think of no one else but that girl that doesn't love him?"  
  
I just stared at him without moving.  
  
"Well, Haru, I will tell you now that I'm not giving him away to anyone. Not even to himself." He let go of me as he smiled while grabbing a glass of water next to him. Then, he threw the water to my face. "Wake up, Haru!"  
  
I just pushed the water from my eyes.  
  
"I'll give you a choice because I'm feeling generous today since you don't seem to understand what's going on. You'll get your punishment, but not from me." He then got up and looked down at me. "I will accept your relationship with Yuki…"  
  
I gasped as I looked at him as if he truly lost his mind.  
  
CRASH!   
  
He took a fragment of the broken glass from the wooden floor while coming next to me. Poking the broken shard around my heart, I began to make a trail of blood onto the floor.   
  
I bit my lip a little from the pain.  
  
"…if Yuki learns to love you, that is." He smiled at me evilly. "If he doesn't, you kill yourself."  
  
Sick bastard…  
  
I just gave him a dirty look.  
  
"Seems you don't believe in yourself or Yuki as much as you think."  
  
I looked to the ground as drops of my blood stained the floor. Then, I looked into his eyes just to spite him.   
  
Without a second thought, I firmly answered,  
  
"Yes."  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Whoa, this is getting very, very interesting. I have some things in mind, but they're just plain evil to the point that I'm hesitating to write them. * blink, blink *  
  
But, let's see what happens, k? 


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket = not Yui's.  
  
music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 4 – toki.   
  
"You'll have to do everything I tell you until then. It won't be much, but it will be enough." He then lifted up my chin. "I'll show you all that happiness is just an illusion."  
  
Then, he let go as he went to the window. "You can't tell him any of this, okay?"  
  
"Hai," I replied while covering my wound while getting up.   
  
"When he rejects you, you might take Yuki's place." He smiled to himself. "I've always loved those determined eyes of yours. Maybe I should have taken yours instead of Hatori's. Hahaha."  
  
"Haru?"  
  
I looked at his face.  
  
"You only have one month."  
  
Without asking for his permission, I said to him, "The only thing I ask of this agreement is that he'll be able to live as he chooses. That's all."  
  
"We'll see."  
  
Angry as I was, I had to be satisfied with that.  
  
Without another word, I left and went to Hatori. He just looked at me as I opened my shirt to reveal what Akito had done to me, but I said nothing of it. I didn't have to though.  
  
"Akito's still a child," he simply said. But as I looked at Hatori's face, I could see a softness that I had never seen from anyone else in the household when it came to Akito.  
  
It was funny that someone as stoic as Hatori would be the only one to understand Akito so well. I couldn't tell if it was because Akito got sick so much that Hatori was next to him…  
  
…or was he really…no, I won't think of that.  
  
Hatori took out a cigarette. "Let's go for a drive."  
  
I blinked at him. That was random. "All right," I told him with hesitation in my tone.  
  
And so there we were driving to the Sohma cabin deep into the woods. I opened the window to let the cool air come in as Hatori just plopped himself comfortably onto the sofa.  
  
"Won't Akito get mad that you're here?" I asked as I looked up to the clear sky with the moon shining brightly outside.  
  
"Akito gets jealous of everything," he simply answered.  
  
Straight and to the point. I always like Hatori for that.  
  
I closed my eyes as I looked up at the moon again. I was silent, but Hatori wouldn't let me swim in my own grave.  
  
He was always generous that way. He and Yuki were the same in that sense.  
  
They could always do something for you, but you couldn't do a damn thing back for them, no matter how much you tried.  
  
"You finally stepped over the boundary, didn't you?" He then sighed as he took out a pack of Lucky Sevens from his pocket as well as a pack of matches. Lighting up his cigarettes, he inhaled it while I could still feel his stare on me.  
  
"The boundary? There's a boundary to everything in this damn household, isn't there?" I turned around to him, annoyed. "Even when you care for another person."  
  
He just closed his eye a bit and looked away, knowing from pure experience what the hell I was telling him.  
  
"I'm not rebelling because I want to defy Akito." I shook my head. "That's very stupid. I might as well throw myself from this window."  
  
"Then _why_ are you doing this, Haru?" he asked me while taking another puff of his cigarette.  
  
"Because this way of life isn't living." I sighed as I put my hands on the windowsill before me. "I'm going to go insane. If I have to live everyday fearing someone because of the way they look at me or have to subject myself to the whim of someone who's supposed to be head of our clan."  
  
Then, I turned to him. "What _is_ that, Hatori?"  
  
I then pulled on my shirt showing him the bandages he had wrapped around my body. "There's not much to expect from the world and I didn't want anything from it. I just want to show Akito that his warped way of affection isn't the way it's supposed to be."  
  
Then, I smiled a little to myself and continued, "But Yuki…just like Tohru showing him that he shouldn't be ashamed about being the way he is, he didn't know that was his own charm. He made me see what was twisted about the way we lived. And when he left the main house, that's when I realized how much things were empty without him. Despite the fact that Akito wasn't shouting for him or that I could just sit next to him in the garden being really quiet."  
  
Hatori just continued to listen to me quietly while looking at me.  
  
"I asked him once, 'If you could live only as an animal or human forever, what would you pick?' And you know what he told me? He told me, 'Either is fine as long as I get to live the way I want. Whether it's wrong or right to do so.'  
  
I then asked him while leaning my head on his shoulder, 'Then, Yuki? Where do we fit in?' Shaking his head, he smiled, 'Nowhere. But that makes us special. We can be both, can't we? Despite…despite the fact that turning into an animal can be kind of disheartening to yourself as well as frighten the people around you.  
  
"I had told him, 'Then, they don't know anything, do they, Yuki? They only love with their eyes, don't they?' He only looked at me gently while patting my head."  
  
With tears in my eyes, while I gulped, I looked at Hatori, I told him, "I believe that. I believe in him. And because of those things, I want to protect the life he wants to lead, even if I'm not it."  
  
"What did Akito want you to do?" he asked me while looking deeply at me.  
  
Just as intensely, I gave him my determined eyes.  
  
No fear…  
  
I didn't fear anything as long as it came to Yuki.  
  
"In one month, I'm supposed to make Yuki fall in love with me if Akito's going to accept our relationship." While looking to the ground, I gulped a bit, then I looked back into his face. With a smile, I answered, "And if he doesn't, I will die."  
  
Hatori took the cigarette from his mouth and just kept his mouth a bit as he just stared at me in shock.  
  
Turning around, I looked at the moon. "I don't expect anything from Yuki and I'm telling you right now that I will just continue things as they have always been."  
  
"You sound like you're giving up already," Hatori answered with a slightly annoyed voice.   
  
I shook my head. "No, it isn't that. I don't want Yuki to love me because of an ultimatum or because he's on the rebound. I want him to always stay the way he is and I want him to be happy."  
  
"If you die, he'll cry for you."  
  
It was then that Hatori got up and patted my shoulder. I told him, "As long as he knew I was alive, that's enough for me."  
  
"I wish…" Hatori sighed while looking out the window with me. "I wish that other people were as strong as you are now."  
  
Then, he let go as he lit another cigarette. "Yuki may have had the worst among all of us, but it seems that he's very lucky because of it too."  
  
"I want Yuki to realize that I love him for everything. That he doesn't have to be so harsh on himself." Then, I turned to Hatori and laughed. "Especially when you're close to perfection."  
  
While we were driving home the next morning, I looked out the window and prayed. "I just want Yuki to stay the same and to live the way he wants. Just as long as he's happy…"  
  
Hatori kept his eye on the road as he asked, "You knew exactly what you were doing when you went into Akito's room, didn't you?"  
  
I knew it ever since he gave me that look from Yuki's futon years ago. When he became insanely jealous at the gentle way I looked at Yuki.  
  
I simply answered, "I knew this day would come."  
  
It was only a matter of time.  
  
I just didn't expect it so soon.  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Haru is so gentle, I can't describe what it is. When I write from his perspective, there's this nice, peaceful feeling inside of me.  
  
But as we progress, it's becoming more and more painful. I can't stand the thought that Haru might die in the fic. I'm in the process of re-editing the fic and writing the ending for it, but * sighs * it's hard.  
  
Toki – translated as 'when' or 'time'. 


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: FruBa isn't mine and the song mentioned is by Crowded House called 'Don't Dream It's Over."  
  
music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 5 – don't ever let them win  
  
And so, when I came to school two days later, Yuki came up to the rooftop and plopped right next to me. I was lying down and looking at the sky as usual.  
  
"How are you?" was all he could manage to say to me.  
  
"I'm fine. You?" Yuki split his disposable chopsticks and nodded.   
  
"Doing fine."  
  
The cold breeze blew at that moment and I looked up to Yuki's face.  
  
I wanted to etch his face into my head.  
  
Yes, very beautiful indeed.  
  
"Akito had a talk with me," he sighed while eating.  
  
"I heard from Momiji you came to the main house yesterday." I told him while looking away and watching the clouds pass above us.  
  
"He didn't do anything to me," he finally said while gulping. His hands began to shake, but then he breathed calmly. "That's worse than him shouting at me…or worse things."  
  
My eyes focused on his hands. They were still trembling a bit.  
  
Of course, years of torture can't be erased in so few days. It would take twice as much to heal, wouldn't it?  
  
I sighed inwardly. Then, I looked away from his hands as I reached out to put my hand over his gently. "Stop shaking. Don't think about Akito."  
  
I then grabbed his hands and pushed my thumb on them. "He shouldn't hurt you anymore."  
  
"Haru, what are you saying?" I could feel him beginning to stop quivering. "I'm confused."  
  
With his face becoming even more worried, yet suspicious, he asked, "I know you won't lie to me, Haru. But I can't help but feel…Is there something you're not telling me, Haru?"  
  
I didn't say anything.  
  
I wouldn't let up.  
  
Then, he shook his head while he became a bit angry. "Akito will do anything to keep me scared of him. And the funny thing is, whenever I think of certain things, I'll always fear him for them."  
  
"Learn to think beyond that Yuki." I then clenched onto his hand warmly. "You're the only one who should chose to live as you want."  
  
Then, I laughed, "Aren't you the prince of this damned school?"  
  
The tension broke as his concerned and frustrated face became relieved for a moment. He laughed.  
  
Yes…  
  
That's it. That's all I wanted from you…  
  
And I will protect you.  
  
Because I believe in what you see.  
  
Because,  
  
I believe in that there is happiness, little as it may be for us.   
  
And you are mine, Yuki.  
  
Even though I wasn't the best with singing and all that, I tried my best to ease his mind. I looked up to the sky as I began to blush a bit while singing,  
  
"There is freedom within, there is freedom without  
  
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup  
  
There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost  
  
But you'll never see the end of the road  
  
While you're traveling with me   
  
Hey now, hey now  
  
Don't dream it's over  
  
Hey now, hey now  
  
When the world comes in  
  
They come, they come  
  
To build a wall between us  
  
We know they won't win   
  
Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof  
  
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof  
  
In the paper today tales of war and of waste  
  
But you turn right over to the T.V. page   
  
Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum  
  
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart  
  
Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof  
  
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief   
  
Hey now, hey now  
  
Don't dream it's over  
  
Hey now, hey now  
  
When the world comes in  
  
They come, they come  
  
To build a wall between us  
  
Don't ever let them win."  
  
"Thanks, Haru," he told me while smiling at me.  
  
Then, I squeezed his hand harder before letting go.  
  
When the bell rang, we both got up.   
  
"Yuki?"   
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Shaking my head and smiling with one of my hands in my pockets, I poked his forehead with the hand holding my lunch bag. "I always hate it when you frown."  
  
With that, I left for class with even more confidence inside of me. I repeated to myself in the hallway softly,   
  
"Don't ever let them win."  
  
  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
author's note: Now, the descent from grace… 


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket isn't mine.  
  
Music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 6 – Hounto no iro. (Real color.)  
  
That's how we spent our days. We'd meet for lunch and sometimes, even though it was awkward for both of them, we all had lunch on the roof or grass together. Tohru and Yuki continued to pretend towards everyone else that there was nothing wrong.  
  
That everything was the same as always, but because I knew, I could see through everything.  
  
Well, for myself, I hope they didn't notice how I was feeling. I hoped that my silence meant the same to them.  
  
Everyday, though, when I looked at my calendar, the thought of death would encompass me and block out everything I needed or wanted to do for a large amount of time. Sometimes, I would do my homework and just completely stop. There were other times that I looked at the sky and wonder what the hell I was doing.  
  
Was I truly this strong?  
  
Or was I making it out that I was stronger than I really was deep inside?  
  
I shook my head each time and said, "No, this is what you chose. You stand by it, Haru."  
  
Then each time, by the next day, I would glance at Yuki. Kind and tender-hearted Yuki's face would give me a small smile and I would forget what fear was.  
  
Maybe it was idiotic, but that was his effect on me even though I would never show how I truly felt outside of the constraints of my mind.  
  
Nonetheless, they were two good weeks that vanished before I had known it.  
  
But I knew it wouldn't last much longer, especially without telling Momiji the details of what was to come. I just told him my punishment was the scar over my heart.  
  
He got upset that I had been hurt in the first place, but he didn't say anything else to make me feel more uncomfortable than I already felt. He also was suspicious that I had been let go so easily.  
  
I just kept silent and listened to him without giving him any hints.  
  
Well, I _did_ tell him what the cause was, but not all the facts or all the minor details. I told him that I was with Yuki on that rainy night, but I didn't say anything else. I couldn't possibly tell him we slept together or about Tohru.  
  
That was getting too personal. It wouldn't have mattered so much if it weren't for the fact that facing Yuki or talking about this 'punishment' without telling its true horror was very difficult for me. Let alone express to anyone, even Momiji, how I _was_ a little jealous of Tohru because she was the one who could do all the things I couldn't for Yuki.  
  
And even if I could do the same things for Yuki, they wouldn't mean the same to him. It hurt to say the least.  
  
But as always, I was quiet. I would just endure it.  
  
Until this day, I couldn't figure out how I even had the courage to tell Yuki anything at all.   
  
So, by the third week, we kept on visiting Shigure's house every single day to make Momiji happy. But as soon as we came there during mid-week, Shigure laughed while scuffing at my hair saying, "I have to have a talk with you two taking some of my portion of Tohru-chan's wonderful cooking!"  
  
The next day, which was Wednesday, I thought he was trying to avoid his editor when he told me, "Hide me."  
  
But it was quite the opposite. He was taking me out to the forest alone to talk with me.  
  
As he sat on a log, he looked at the ground. "I know you and Yuki have seen Akito. And all I want to know are…"  
  
Jokingly, he tapped my shoulder, "Details! I need material for my new novel with shounen ai in it!"  
  
"Geh," I fell to one side and hit my head on the log. Hard.  
  
"Seriously," he told me, "Haru, what's going on? Even Akito's laughing at this situation and all he's telling me is that you have asked to have Yuki."  
  
"Huh?" I looked at him with a confused face. I was also thinking how manipulative Akito was to phrase it in this manner. "What do you mean by 'have Yuki'?"  
  
"To have your relationship accepted by him as in, heading towards marriage?"  
  
Then, he joked again while patting my back gingerly, "But two guys can't get married and they can't have children! How are the two signs of the zodiac gonna be without the cow and the rat? Ever wonder about those future animal-less people out there? I mean Kyo's already having a hard time coming in as a member as it is! Then there are people like Tohru-chan who _want_ to be the nonexistent year of the cat! You have to think about these things!"  
  
I blinked at him and looked down to the ground. How was I going to phrase this? It came out like this: "I told Yuki exactly how I felt about him even though I knew he didn't feel the same way about me."  
  
Because of the hesitation in my voice, I could tell he got something. As to what, I didn't know what he understood, but by the perturbed and confused look on his face, I could tell he was thinking something along the lines of what I was trying to tell him silently.  
  
I kind of hope he wouldn't. He had such an active imagination to say the least. I mean, c'mon, he's a writer. You have to be pretty deranged to always think of something to write. * sweatdrop *  
  
It was now Shigure's turn to blink at me in surprise. "Oh…my."  
  
Then, he took a firm grip of my shoulder. "Does Momiji know?"  
  
I shook my head.  
  
He raised one eyebrow. "Are you going to tell him?"   
  
"When it's time," I said, still thinking how I would tell him before 'the day'.  
  
"But Yuki. How does Yuki feel about all this? I knew he was depressed over Tohru, but I didn't even know about you two."  
  
I shook my head. "Everyone misunderstands. We're not together."  
  
My heart ached at that moment while admitting that truth.  
  
"Then why is Akito saying you're going to be punished at the end of this month?" He looked at me so seriously that I almost thought it was someone else that I was talking to and not him at all.   
  
Looking at the ground, I shook my head with a sad smile. "Because I don't want Yuki to love me in return."  
  
"This doesn't make sense at all." His eyes became swirls, but when he looked back at me deeply, he told me, "Something's happening is there? I know there is because Hatori won't even tell me anything."  
  
I felt like I was going to fall deeper and deeper into despair with this conversation because when he said that, I felt so bad about not telling him anything. But then again, I couldn't.  
  
So, I remained silent for a few minutes without an answer to give him.  
  
"If Yuki falls in love with me, he'll have to deal with living with Akito all his life. He'd lose his mind that way. I don't want that. Hell, I'm already losing mine."  
  
"What does that have to do with you, though?"   
  
Silence.  
  
"You are losing your mind, I'd have to agree." He then cleared his throat.  
  
"Yeah…" I leaned forward.  
  
"What are _you_ afraid of, Haru?" He poked my heart and I cringed a bit.  
  
"I'm sorry…" he told me as I pulled on my shirt to show him.  
  
His face became pale as if he wanted to apologize to me. As if he was responsible for hurting me.   
  
I couldn't tell him, "I don't feel I'm worthy yet of Yuki's love. This is the only way I can protect him."  
  
Instead, I answered, "The agreement is that he'll leave Yuki alone if he doesn't."  
  
At that moment, he let go of my shoulder. "What do you get in return for this?"  
  
"I get to live."  
  
He gave me a Mona Lisa type of smile. I couldn't tell if it was pity, fear, or sadness that he was feeling.  
  
I just continued to look at the ground while his hand hung on my shoulder.  
  
It's not the same as you guys would think, but I'll be able to be near Yuki, always. I'll live through Yuki.  
  
Not because he will have his memories of me, but because he will live out the life that I wouldn't have had if he didn't exist. I wouldn't have had thought of life differently and so I am forever grateful to him for it.  
  
As I was about to get up, Shigure asked with a grave voice that seemed as if he wanted to cry, "Why…why were you hurt like Hatori?"  
  
Hurt physically? Like his blind eye? Hurt mentally? When the person he loved married someone else, never knowing she loved him at all?   
  
I turned to face him, but now, he wouldn't look at me. "I don't know."  
  
I didn't know how to answer his question because it seemed too broad for me at that moment.  
  
"Haru…" his grip on my shoulder became a bit firmer. "Tell me, Haru. What do you _truly_ fear?"  
  
My eyes widened as I looked from side to side.  
  
What are you trying to ask for, Shigure?  
  
Teasing people was his hobby. But if Hatori was good at erasing memories, it was Shigure's talent to get you to say what you needed to truly hear.   
  
With your own words.  
  
At that moment, I leaned forward with my head hanging and my hands in fist. It was as if a rush of all the lost emotions had finally caught up with me. And my tears came out.  
  
I answered, "That Akito will blame Yuki for…for this."  
  
I couldn't tell him, "For this mistake." Because it wasn't.   
  
If it cost me a million times to come back to hell and Akito was torturing me until the end of time, I would have still done the same thing.  
  
I finished, "And Yuki will have to live with that for the rest of his life. And what I've strived for was gone. What I've lived for has all been in vain. The happiness I want Yuki to have will never come to him.  
  
"And he will learn to associate his pain not with Akito any longer. It will be from _me_. In the end, _I_ ended up hurting him more than Akito or anyone else. "  
  
Tears fell to the dirt before me.  
  
"I will never forgive myself for that."  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
author's note: I know I fast-forward past two-and-a-half weeks, but I felt that I should to emphasize that Haru was keeping his word about keeping things normal. Now, we will descent into the depths of this angst. @_@   
  
I hope you're enjoying the fic as much as I feel endeared by Haru's personality here. He's weak, yet strong at the same time. 


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Fruits Basket. This is just an appreciation for it.  
  
Music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 7 – I can't think of anything better to talk about  
  
"Ah…" he answered while taking out his hand from my shoulder, while concentrating and looking at the sight before him. "Haru, you may not be good with directions, but you seem to be focused more than most people at this time of their life."  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked him.  
  
"What I mean is that you know the flip sides of the coin. You only know the extremes because you know exactly what you love and because of that, you know exactly what you fear."  
  
I just looked at him, not really understanding what he meant.  
  
"This is one thing Akito doesn't know yet."   
  
I was half-surprised, yet half-not-surprised that he had replied in a similar way and with the same message as Hatori.  
  
"I don't know about that."  
  
"Sometimes, a person is blind to what they see and what they want to see." Smiling at me, he continued, "Haru, we all know you have two sides. And yet, you're not ashamed of these sides of yourself. Why? Because they are a part of you.   
  
"You also understand what can be controlled and what cannot. For that alone, I commend you. But for being able to get this far in life, even if you're hurt, you still choose to go on."  
  
Sighing, he looked away. "Some are not so brave."  
  
Was I really as brave as they were thinking?  
  
I wonder…  
  
I'm still not convinced of it myself.  
  
He put his index finger to his mouth slyly. "I will tell you something that I've never told anyone, but I will tell you."  
  
I nodded my head politely.  
  
"Once, I had a crush on someone." He started to laugh as soon as he said that while looking up through the leaves of the trees above us. "I would watch them for the longest time from afar. I know it seems out of character, doesn't it? Shigure, the person who loves to play practical jokes, especially about love lives, can't live up to this in his own life.  
  
"I saw this person talk and talk to people about many things and I was fascinated about how this strange person could just come up with these stories. But I liked these stories, no matter how far-fetched they were.  
  
"And because of that person, I became a novelist. An odd one at that, but hey, it's not like writers aren't screwy anyway, right? My point is that person changed my life, but they never knew about it.  
  
"When we became friends, we talked day after day about all sorts of things. We'd tease one another, but sometimes, I meant what I said when it looked like I half-joked."  
  
"What do you mean by that?" I tilted my head while keeping my eyes focused on him.  
  
"I said things like, 'Don't get with anyone unless they meet my approval.'"  
  
"What's wrong with that? Friends almost always say that."  
  
Okay, so I didn't always express my opinions aloud, but I was pretty sure a lot of people did feel this way about their friends. They're just looking out for their well-being right?  
  
Shigure shook his head. "No, not all friends. For a little while, I was jealous. That's why I said that."  
  
I just nodded my head trying to comprehend his story.  
  
"I was jealous because this person was admiring someone else."  
  
I looked away for a second from Shigure knowing full well what that meant.  
  
"I couldn't do anything about it. I was scared what my feelings would lead to. It would not only ruin our friendship, but it would ruin our lives once Akito knew I favored someone more than anyone else." With a deep sigh, he finally said, "It seems you and I have the same problem."  
  
I was still confused as I watched his eyes betray a sense of sorrow that I had rarely seen.  
  
"You love Yuki…but I've admired that stupid Ayame longer than you've been alive."  
  
My eyes blinked at him in shock. Okay, so I didn't expect that one at all…  
  
I didn't know what to say, but he didn't let me.  
  
He then sighed as he put his hands on his knees and looked up to the sky again. "It was the same when Kyo never wanted to show his other form, but when Tohru saw it, she accepted it. In the end, she did.  
  
"At the time, though, I apologized to her. I told her I was sorry for putting such trust on her, not because I wanted her to fail, but I truly believed in her. The fact was that I still allowed that responsibility to be put on her shoulders was wrong, though, when she didn't know the consequences or all the details. It was unfair to her."  
  
We were silent once more.  
  
"Do you know what I'm trying to say? These stories may be different, but they're not." Shigure shook his head. "No, they're not. Haru, you accept Yuki for who he is. And you've already accepted who you are. You know you don't need anyone else's approval for any of these things.  
  
"And because of that, you were strong enough to get past that obstacle that Kyo and I couldn't go through for such a long time. Kyo got over it, but I didn't want to put Ayame in that type of position.  
  
"And now, you're in Tohru's situation. You don't have to be, though. You shouldn't bear this alone. I know you're not planning to tell Yuki, but it's unfair to him.  
  
"I don't have any control over that though. This is your decision. I may not fully understand what's happening, but I know this isn't heading anywhere wonderful. I will just trust and believe in you, Haru."  
  
I lifted up my head while smiling at him. "Thank you."  
  
"Everyone just has their own way to do things and live. And this is yours." He then smiled and scuffed my hair again. Once, he told he liked doing that because he was boring for having a normal hair color.   
  
When then walked back into the house to find Momiji hiding behind Tohru and laughing at Kyo while Yuki sipped his tea calmly on the table. When they saw us, Momiji waved while Tohru greeted us back.  
  
Kyo eyed Momiji as I sat by Yuki.  
  
Shigure, evil as he was, went back to his ever silly disposition and asked, "And who's wallet is this?"  
  
I pouted as I saw him raise the black leather wallet to the air. "Give."  
  
He teased, "Prove it."  
  
I blushed while pouting more. Then, I crawled over and whispered into his ear.  
  
"It has a picture of Yuki when he was little?" Shigure said outloud while I glared at him for a moment.  
  
I turned super red and immediately turned away from Yuki's direction.  
  
I heard Yuki spit out some of his tea and the rest of the house became silent. Well, for a moment. They pushed me out of the way while Tohru said, "I want to see."  
  
Momiji bounced up and down. "Me too!"  
  
Kyo, who had stayed in his place while folding his arms, said, "There's nothing special. He's just shorter."  
  
I looked at Kyo and laughed while eyeing him with a smug look. "Well, just compare it to the picture of I have of you and Momiji."  
  
"How'd you get them to take a pic?" Shigure, who was still holding the wallet, rubbed his chin and looked at me curiously.  
  
"I didn't," I said as I took my wallet from his hand. Blushing again, I opened it and showed a pic of Momiji. He was three-years-old and he wore a white bunny suit, but the right ear would flop on one side of his face. "I asked him for a picture when he was little if I gave him this large piece of candy."  
  
"Aww…" Tohru commented as she peered at it.  
  
Next, I flipped to the next picture. "I found this somewhere in the main house, but I'm not saying anything else."  
  
It was Kyo looking at the camera with this great big happy smile, but someone was holding out their hands to him.  
  
"Whose hand is this?" Shigure asked as he pointed at it.  
  
"That's Kagura."  
  
Kyo had a soft expression on his face as he gave a side glance at his own pic. "Geh."  
  
They were expecting a picture of Yuki to be the next one, but I told them, "No, this is Hatori when he had both of his eyes."  
  
He was in his clinic with Kana next to him. She was shaking her head while laughing that she didn't want to take a candid shot. Hatori was smirking, doing nothing about it.  
  
"It took me the longest time to get this picture. I stole the camera from Hatori, and even though he lectured me, he still got the picture done for me." I smiled as I flipped to the last picture of my wallet. "This was Yuki with a yukata on."  
  
All of them looked at it, but Yuki was looking at the picture, then at me.  
  
It was the same yukata he had on when I saw him in the window. Here, he was looking out the window with a soft smile as he looked up to the sky.  
  
"Why do you have pictures of them in your wallet?" Tohru asked. "And they're all so cute!"  
  
"They're my family…" I softly said.  
  
Later that night, Yuki remembered something and said to me, "Oh, I have to show you something."  
  
I then followed him to his room. He then went over to one drawer and took out something. When I closed the door, he turned to me.  
  
"Okay, so I wasn't really coordinated when I took the picture and it's crooked," I started to say, but I lost my words when Yuki shook his head with a smile. As he walked up to me, he then kind of did something unexpected.  
  
Yuki brought a crumpled paper before me.  
  
I looked at it weirdly as I began to unwrap it. Then, I just stared at it.  
  
"Do you remember this, Haru? You couldn't buy me a gift when we were little and then you made this picture for me?"  
  
I just looked at him, not believing that he had this with him all these years.  
  
"I didn't give this to you because I thought it was dumb."  
  
"I found it crumpled, but I kept it all these years. After all, it was addressed to me." Yuki sighed as he remembered while not looking at me and focused on the floor. "It wasn't dumb."  
  
I looked at him and then at the picture of a child who was smiling while holding a rat.  
  
"If only Hatori knew how I felt when he erased the memories of my classmates…"  
  
With tears in his eyes, he jumped into my arms while holding onto my shoulders tightly. "You baka. Did you really carry that picture of me in your wallet for this long?" he asked while sniffing a little.   
  
Holding him in my arms while patting his hair, I nodded my head.  
  
Then, he whispered the exact same sentence as when I had told Tohru about how I had fallen in love with him. Sincerely and warmly, he asked me, "Couldn't you have found anything else to talk about?"  
  
I laughed while smiling. This time, I replied,   
  
"Nope. I can't think of anything better to talk about."  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: * sighs * I'm sorry I'm making Yuki really angsty, but I think it fits here because with Tohru and Haru, he can be honest with himself. They're two people who accept him for who he is, so he's able to freely say as he pleases without the restraints he puts on himself when he's around other people.  
  
But isn't this so cute?! 


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own FruBa.  
  
Music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 8 – I chose to.  
  
Before we knew it, it was the weekend and Momiji and I were planning on staying over at Shigure's house. But instead of walking over, Hatori offered to drive us there.  
  
As I was heading for the car, Akito hung out of his window. Looking up, he smiled while stretching his arms forward as if he were exercising.  
  
I just passed through without an expression on my face and carried my things to the car. I bet he was dying there, though. He may have kept Kureno-san away from all of us, but Hatori was the one he always screamed for.   
  
I wondered if someone could be that sick and have that much energy to be able to observe everything around him with such sadistic vigor. He may have been quiet most of the time, but it was as if he was storing up all his energy to be that powerfully violent later on.   
  
I just figured that this was his own way of being jealous and showing affection.  
  
Momiji wasn't there when I got to the car, and so, I just stood there patiently next to Hatori as he folded his arms while smoking a cigarette.  
  
"You really didn't have to take us," I told him. "But thanks."  
  
He just continued to smoke.   
  
But after a minute of silence, he said, "If you need help, just ask, Haru."  
  
I looked at him and was about to say something, when Momiji ran over and said, "Akito's calling for you, Hatori!"  
  
Hatori immediately dropped his cigarette, smashed it under his shoe, and ran towards Akito's room. I watched him from behind and still tried to deny what I was thinking.  
  
Instead, I found myself honestly saying to Momiji as he put his stuff into the car, "Akito really does love Hatori, doesn't he?"  
  
He just turned his head to look at me for a moment. "Why couldn't you ask the question that was right in front of you, Haru?"  
  
I looked at him in a bit of astonishment. Because in all the years I had know him, he had never answered me like that. He turned away from me as he went into the car before I could say anything else.  
  
--  
  
When we got to Shigure's, Momiji immediately called out before taking off his shoes, "We're here!"  
  
Tohru had just finished making some brownies in the kitchen. She came into the living room and smiled while holding out her oven mittens and the pan in front of her. "Good timing!"  
  
I still had my bag over my shoulder and Momiji and I looked at one another. "Eat first or put our stuff in the rooms?" we said with our eyes.  
  
Hatori got the first brownie. As we were going to politely say we were going to put our stuff upstairs, Yuki took a brownie and held out his other hand for us to stop for a moment.  
  
Eating only half of one, he walked past me, shoved the other half into my mouth and said, "You're with me this time."  
  
I blinked at him. Well, it was more of blushing and staring at him as if he had lost his mind.  
  
Of course, some really bad part of me thought, "Kamisama…he's so hot when he's aggressive."  
  
I kept my calm as I just nodded.  
  
Accusingly, Kyo pointed at Yuki. "I can't believe I lost rock, paper, scissors!"  
  
"Huh?" So much for Yuki wanting me in his room. Then again, that'll always be a fantasy.  
  
I went upstairs with Momiji and put our stuff down. When we came back down, I got another brownie and poked Kyo on the shoulder. "Rock, paper, scissors?"  
  
"Yuki said he was sick of me getting my way, so Shigure suggested that we have a rock, paper, scissors game to settle who gets who as their roommate."  
  
"Really?" I blinked at him.   
  
He growled. "I played to get you so that I wouldn't be with Momiji, but that damn Yuki still won!"  
  
That was when he sighed and hung his head.  
  
I laughed. "God, you're awful."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
I still couldn't believe they did that. ^^;;;  
  
For the rest of the night, we played poker. Everyone was pretty good, but Kyo was really good today, for some strange reason. He couldn't beat Yuki, though.  
  
Still, the weirdness that had me wondering if the turning of the world was kind of off, it was really blatant here as we sat around the table.  
  
I was next to Momiji, and I was looking at everyone's faces. I wanted to remember this moment and be grateful that there was this moment in the first place. These faces that were laughing and joking and I was included with that warm enjoyment.  
  
Tohru was in between Kyo and Yuki, and I wondered if Kyo had said anything to Tohru. Did anyone else know what happened? That there was something different?  
  
Should I even be questioning this because I didn't say anything at all about what was happening to me?  
  
The more I looked at Yuki's face, I knew there was still someone I couldn't reach. There was something about him being next to Tohru that made him different. He acted in a way that I was a little unaccustomed to.  
  
He was a bit more comfortable with her than he was with me.  
  
Okay, so I was still a little jealous. And hurt that he didn't look at me with the same concerned and affectionate expression he gave her.  
  
When everyone got tired, we almost passed out because we were so fatigued, but we managed to get to bed. Hatori left and the house was silent after a long while. However, I just stared at the ceiling with eyes that were wide awake.  
  
I wasn't sleepy at all.  
  
I gulped.  
  
I only had one more week.  
  
I then turned to watch Yuki, even if his back faced me. After a couple of minutes, luckily, he turned and faced me even though he was obviously sleeping.  
  
I reached out and cupped my hand over his cheek. Deeply, I looked at him, but I sighed too.  
  
Tears began to well up in my eyes as I watched his peaceful face.   
  
Even though he couldn't hear me, I whispered, "Let me stay with you."  
  
But, I couldn't tell him, "I will make you happy."  
  
I want to…  
  
I want to so much…  
  
Unable to stand myself, I got up and went to the back porch. Sitting on the ledge, I looked up to the sky, trying to find an answer.  
  
Of course, there were no answers. There would just be questions.  
  
What the hell was I doing?  
  
I'm…  
  
I'm not supposed to die in a week.  
  
Other people get to choose the way they live, but how come we don't? Why are we punished for being the way we are?  
  
These questions have always come to me time and again, but now, I could feel my heartbeats become faster and faster as I thought of each one.  
  
Creak.   
  
Someone opened their lips to ask, "Why did you leave me?"  
  
But I thought he was in a deep sleep!  
  
I turned around to find Yuki behind me.   
  
Funny, this question sounded more like an Akito question than a Yuki one. And yet, it was Yuki who had asked it.  
  
Because I was already disturbed by my own thoughts of death, I looked at my angel and the first thing I thought but dared not say was, "That depends if you could learn to love me…"  
  
Carefully, I looked away and answered, "I chose to."  
  
The answer was too deep…  
  
"I don't understand why you're so serious." He then came closer to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Now _I_ know you need to really sleep, Haru."  
  
"I can't go to sleep right now." I smiled while patting his hand and letting go of it. "Just go back to bed, Yuki. I'll be back there in a bit."  
  
He shook his head and I sighed as I got up knowing that once he got this stubborn, he wouldn't let me do anything until he got his way.  
  
We walked back to his room, but as I was about to go into my futon, Yuki shook his head. Motioning for me to come to his futon, I just silently came. I was so confused as he wrapped his body around me as if I were a teddy bear.  
  
Yuki whispered into my ear as he was falling asleep, "I just had a nightmare, Haru. I…I thought you left me behind and I didn't know where you were."  
  
"And what did you do?" I asked him.  
  
"I searched and searched for you, but I couldn't find you." He then blinked his eyes sleepily at me and closed them again. "That's why I have to make sure you're here when I wake up…"  
  
He then fell asleep.  
  
Comforted by his words, shortly after him, I was able to go to sleep too.  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Well, this was an awkward moment. I'm getting along with the story. I just hope I'm not going to stumble on a writer's block. 


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: you know what should be here. I don't own this.  
  
Music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 9 – Dekinai yo! (You can't!)  
  
When I opened my eyes, I found Yuki staring at me. "Good morning?" I greeted.  
  
He nodded his head. "Good morning."  
  
I looked from side to side nervously. "Um, did I do something wrong?"  
  
"No," he replied, but he kept on looking at me with sleepy eyes. Then, he smiled.  
  
I closed my eyes again to enjoy being held by him so warmly.  
  
"You know what this reminds me of?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"There was one time when you were sick and I came to visit you."  
  
"You did?" I answered. "I don't remember."  
  
"Of course you don't. You were sleeping." He laughed. "I told the nurse to let me take over for an hour and she let me.  
  
"Then, you called out my name saying, 'I want to eat strawberries with you, Yuki.' I had to admit that that was kind of weird because you were talking in your sleep and somehow you knew I was there.   
  
"I answered, 'Yes, we should.' But you frowned and I asked, 'Why are frowning?' 'You're cold, Yuki.' I didn't understand what was happening. 'I'm cold?'  
  
"'Your hand is cold. I'm holding your hand but you're so cold.'"  
  
I blushed thinking about what other things I could have said all these years and never knew. I buried myself under the pillow.  
  
"What's wrong, Haru?" He pushed the pillow away.  
  
"You were there and you heard me…" was all I could say.  
  
"I hugged you that day. You woke up for a bit and you saw me, but I knew for sure you were so tired that you wouldn't remember." Laughing he said, "Before I went away, you asked me, 'Be here when I wake up.' And I was, but if I stayed longer, I would have gotten in trouble."  
  
"I'm only to ask you this once, Yuki…"   
  
Doki, doki…  
  
I took a deep breath as I looked at him. "If the circumstances were different, do you think…"  
  
Dokidokidoki…  
  
I then shook my head.   
  
I shouldn't have asked this question. It wasn't a fair one.  
  
He looked at me so intently, but I just laughed and said, "I had it, but I forgot!"  
  
Yuki's affection for me is different than how I feel for him. This is how it should be. For if I complicate his life by trying to ask a question that was shouldn't be asked in the first place, then I wasn't going to ask it.  
  
I wasn't deciding for him that I wouldn't tell him the circumstances of what was going to happen by the end of next week, but that I wanted him to choose by himself.  
  
I want you to choose me, even if I had said nothing to you.  
  
Even if you never knew that I loved you all this time.  
  
"Yuki! Haru!" Momiji shouted and burst into the room. "It's time for breakfast! Hatori's gonna drive us to the beach in an hour!"  
  
Comically, I immediately went to the window and stretched while Yuki pretended to have just woken up. Complete with the half-awake eyes.  
  
--  
  
Chaotic as it was, Hatori brought us all to the private beach house that belonged to our family. And it was Shigure who put his hand over his eyes to block the sun and say, "We should come here more often!"  
  
After putting our stuff down, we changed and went to the beach. Momiji ran to the ocean while Tohru followed after him. Kyo and Yuki walked behind her while I just set up my towel and got a tan.  
  
Hatori and Shigure were sitting in the backyard patio table and watched us. But they were mostly to talking to one another.   
  
I watched Yuki, but I still couldn't believe how he still thought that he was unattractive. And here I was a bit hot and bothered with all that water all over his body.  
  
"Sexy…" I found myself saying to myself.  
  
After a while, Tohru came next to me. She sat down and patted my back. "Come on and swim with us!"  
  
"Naw, I don't feel like swimming right now."   
  
Good one, Haru.  
  
"Why? The water's perfect."  
  
With a deadpan expression, I answered, "Too much work."   
  
She pushed my side with both of her hands as she laughed. "You can't be that lazy."  
  
All this time, I tried to figure out…   
  
While she blinked at me, I had finally understood her charm.  
  
Why Yuki had fallen in love with her…  
  
She went past the social barriers without thinking that they were there. Tohru couldn't see them, and yet even if she did, she didn't care too much.  
  
Except, Yuki, doesn't that bother you a bit also?  
  
"Oh yes I can," I replied.   
  
But as we watched the others swimming and/or playing in the water, Tohru asked, "I hurt Yuki."  
  
Why?  
  
Why are you telling me this now? And so suddenly?  
  
"How did you do that?" I patted her shoulder.  
  
"I rejected him after he bared his heart to me." She turned to me with a sad look in her eyes. "And I don't know how to feel…"  
  
God, this hurts to hear…  
  
"Why?" I pulled her to sit her head on my shoulder so that she wouldn't start to cry.   
  
"He was saying that maybe we should get together while we're in college because he cared for me so much. He said he couldn't live without me." Then she shook her head. "And he was so sure about that.  
  
"I got scared. I need time and space to think about this. I like him too, but not as much as he likes me. It wouldn't be fair to him if I didn't feel like he does."  
  
Then, we both sighed, but for different reasons.  
  
"Tohru, I've always wanted to know, and you don't have to answer me, but do you like Yuki or Kyo better?"  
  
She looked into my eyes. "At this moment….I…I don't know.  
  
"I knew this time would come someday, but I didn't want it now. I need more time to think about it."  
  
I patted her shoulder and rubbed her arm. "I know I'm biased, but I want to ask you something. I've never asked you anything, but I want to ask you a favor."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Promise me that you'll take care of Yuki. Whomever you choose, please tell me that you'll always be by his side. Whether as a friend or as his girlfriend."  
  
She didn't question me as she patted my hand even though she was confused. With reassurance that made me sigh inwardly with relief, she answered, "I will, Haru."  
  
"Thank you," I said.  
  
It was then that she got up and we smiled at one another.  
  
"Thank you to you too, Haru," she said. Stretching her arms out, she said, "I really wanted to take that off my chest."  
  
"No problem."  
  
And with that, she went back to Kyo and Yuki.   
  
I looked at the ocean, but there was no Momiji. I became worried, until someone in back of me said, "I'm sorry I overheard your conversation."  
  
My stomach churned as I closed my eyes before turning around with my usual calm face.  
  
It was then that Momiji sighed as he whispered, "You coward, Haru."  
  
"Huh?" I got up as he began to shake violently. "What's wrong, Momiji?"  
  
Without warning, he looked up and punched me in the face.  
  
"Wh-what the hell?!" I shouted at the top of my lungs while some blood dripped from one side of my face while getting up.  
  
At that, he began to put his hands in fists while some tears were forming in his eyes. "Why didn't you tell _me_?! Aren't I your best friend?! Why did I have to hear this story from 'Tori?!?!"  
  
I was taken aback as I just took a deep breath while his hurt eyes burned themselves into my brain. Tohru and Momiji…  
  
What a bitch Fate is!  
  
"This is crazy…" he mumbled quietly as he shook his head at me. "Why can't we say anything against this? Why?!"  
  
I stepped closer to him as he was trying to step away from me. "Momiji…I'm sorry…"  
  
Then, he shouted at me with tears falling from his eyes. "You can't die, Haru!" Shaking his head, he protested, "I won't let you! You can't, Haru!!!"  
  
I started to say, "I…"  
  
Except, nothing would come out. I could offer no explanation to him.  
  
The others were starting to come over towards us.  
  
At that, I just hugged him and smiled softly at him as he shook his head while pounding my chest. "IYADA!!!!!!!!!"  
  
I began to cry.  
  
He then pushed himself away from me. "Haru! I hate you, Haru!"  
  
"Momiji…"  
  
""You're the sweetest person I know! You can't die, Haru! You just can't!"   
  
With all the things spinning in my head, before I knew what was happening, I watched him run away from me.  
  
And I let him because I knew I couldn't stop him.  
  
I didn't know how I could.  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: I know it may have seemed natural that I put Tohru as the one Haru should talk to about this situation since she is the main character of Fruits Basket, but I didn't want it like that. I love Fruits Baskets, but that was one thing I didn't like. The lessons on life were good, but were told to the audience. So, this time, I wanted Tohru to ask, and to be less perfect than she's represented in the series. (Please don't be offended by me. ^^;;;)  
  
On the other hand, I was trying to be really emotional with Momiji because well, yeah, I love him a lot (the child I want to have if I ever bear one). But pushing that aside, Momiji was the one who was rejected from his mother _and_ he's the one who still is courageous enough to hug Tohru because he wanted to be hugged. I felt that he is the closest to Haru, yet he should know a lot and is the best to represent the protest that Haru won't even admit to himself. 


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: yui doesn't own fruits basket at all.  
  
music without words  
  
by miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 10 – invisible hug  
  
I watched Momiji run away from me while the numbness inside of me was scattering from my legs to the rest of my body. Nothing was making sense and I couldn't hear anything but a ringing in my ears.  
  
That was until Kyo took my shoulders and shook me back and forth. "What's going on?!"  
  
I just gave him a blank look as my eyes followed the bodies of Tohru and Yuki going over to Momiji with Hatori coming over to them.  
  
Shigure came up to us and shook his head at Kyo. "I'm pretty sure there's a good reason for this."  
  
I didn't know if he was doing this to save me or to get the rest of the story. Either way, I was keeping my lips sealed. Because even if I could tell, my mouth wouldn't say anything at this point.  
  
Kyo let go of me and gave me a frustrated look. "You, Yuki, and Tohru have been acting weird. And now I _know_ there's something wrong if the brat is actually hitting you."  
  
Looking at Shigure and me, he said, "Someone better tell me something or else I'm gonna be pissed for the rest of this trip."  
  
Shigure took Kyo's shoulder and began talking with him as I walked to the beach house to wash my face. As soon as I washed the cut, I went to my room and closed the door behind me.   
  
I was left alone, but I felt so bad about ruining the weekend.   
  
I didn't know how much time had passed, but when I finally sighed for the umpteenth time, someone knocked on the side of the door.  
  
"It's me."  
  
But I didn't say anything as Hatori came into the room and sat next to me on the floor.  
  
I should have been mad, but I just couldn't. I hated admitting that Hatori was kind in telling Momiji when it should have been me all along, but he still had no right to do it.  
  
"Why did you tell him?" I asked without looking into his eyes. I was too frustrated to even make a move.  
  
"I thought he would put some sense into you," was his simple answer to me.  
  
Now, this made me angry.  
  
I turned around and glared at him. "Do you think what I'm doing is stupid?!"  
  
At that moment, my hands became fists as I stood up and shouted, "What should you know?! You're the one in love with Akito anyway, Hatori! After you have your eye blinded him, you still didn't blame him! Well, I blame him a lot, Hatori!  
  
"Because I love Yuki, I'm able to protect him only in this way. Who are _you_ to say that I've lost my senses?! Who?!"  
  
Hatori then got up and gave me a stern face. "You're right, Haru. I let him do all those things and I'm allowing him to do this to you too without protest."  
  
He took a deep breath as he nervously took a cigarette from his pocket and began to light it. "But how would you know that I'm human enough to make him jealous? I don't blame him at all because I brought it upon myself, Haru."  
  
What do you mean?  
  
I looked at him as his calmness over this shocked me. I lifted my head to watch him put his hand on my shoulder. "I don't want you to do what I did."  
  
Patting his hand, I let go and sighed. I closed my eyes in confusion and hurt while hanging my head. "Where is Momiji now?"  
  
"In my room crying."  
  
I then excused myself and went to Momiji. When I got to Hatori's room, Momiji turned away from me.  
  
"Let's go for a walk," I told him as I walked up to him.  
  
"Don't wanna." He pouted while looking out the window with his hands cupping over his knees.  
  
I sat down next to him and even though he protested, I grabbed him and hugged him.  
  
"Let go, Haru," he warned while trying not to cry again.  
  
I shook my head and hugged him tighter. "I only did it because I loved you, Momiji. You know how much I love you."  
  
"Let go…"  
  
"You're the only one who would truly understand what I was going through and if you knew, I'd hurt you too. Well, it's not like it doesn't hurt already because I didn't tell you, but I couldn't bear it." Still holding onto him, I continued, "You're my closest cousin and the one that's never left me alone whenever I needed you. And I will end up leaving you. I think I wanted you mad at me so you wouldn't have to deal with it."  
  
"Haru…" He closed his eyes for his moment as he squeezed his hands on my arms. "I'm upset because I thought you didn't trust me."  
  
He sighed. "It's selfish to love someone, but you have to hurt them sometimes to understand you. It'll never change if you don't do anything to move it.  
  
"I've watched you stare at Yuki for years, but I didn't do anything but try to distract you. It's like when you hug me whenever I see my mom. It's harder as time goes by, not easier. It's just easier to hide."  
  
He then turned around and grabbed my face and smiled. "I always need that hug even though I don't ask you to hug me. I'm close to you because there's nothing I can do. You never ask me for anything, so why shouldn't I try to hold your burden? That's about as close as to the hug you'll need from me but won't ask for."  
  
I smiled thoughtfully as we touched from forehead to forehead. "You truly amaze me sometimes, Momiji."  
  
It was then that he jumped up and nodded his head. "I give you the same compliment."  
  
He patted my head as he gave me a wistful expression. "But you are the sweetest person I know."  
  
With a serious face and tone that I rarely seen, it scared me as much as Akito's usual look of displeasure. "Many people think I'm the sweet one between us, but they're wrong. I won't accept this, Haru. I won't be nice about forgiving Akito if anything happens to you."  
  
Because I was in shock from his seriousness, he left me without letting me protest  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: * wince * Momiji's so cool! 


	12. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: yui doesn't own fruba.  
  
music without words  
  
by miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 11 – love to death  
  
After dinner, we all played cards. It was really funny playing speed with everyone because they were all so…competitive? Hatori blinked his eyes whenever he won and Momiji would do this dance. Tohru would laugh as if it were luck while Yuki and Kyo would end in draws whenever they played against one another. As for myself, I just blinked and smiled saying, "I actually won?"  
  
Shigure and Hatori went to bed first and the rest followed. And just like yesterday, I had trouble sleeping so I went out to the sand and touched my feet to the waves coming in. I stood there looking out into the water thinking about the whirlwind of events for the day.  
  
Momiji shouting at me couldn't be erased from my mind.  
  
But he was right when he said I was a coward.   
  
Why had I been expecting this from the beginning?  
  
"Shigure's terrible at changing the subject. You know that, Haru," Kyo said as he came to stand beside me. He sighed as he rolled his khaki's up to mid-calf. "I'll keep on bugging you until you tell me."  
  
He put his hands into his pockets and waited for an explanation.  
  
Why was my secret gradually coming out slowly?  
  
"How do you feel about Tohru, Kyo?" I questioned as I turned to face him.  
  
He blushed as he got mad and shook his head. "I'm not here to talk about myself."  
  
"If you don't answer, I can't give you a good explanation, Kyo. I'm not trying to be difficult. If I was, I would just challenge you to a fight right now to avoid talking about anything at this moment."  
  
He bit his lip and then he pouted. Blushing, he answered with a grudge, "I like her…I like her a lot."  
  
"Why do you like her?"  
  
His eyes became soft as he replied, "I like the way she talks. She thinks that she doesn't know what to say, but somehow, because she's honest, her message gets through."  
  
Kyo laughed as he said, "One time she told me that people are like onigiri. I really thought she was stupid for that one until she mentioned that people can't see their good traits because only the other onigiri can see what's on your back."  
  
I smiled at him as I folded my arms over my chest.   
  
His answer was so different from Yuki's…  
  
…and yet they didn't realize that they loved her for similar reasons too.  
  
"You know the story about Yuki being my first love."  
  
He nodded. "I can't believe you fell for _him_. No offense to you, but I still don't get the guy-guy stuff."  
  
"No offense taken." I took a step forward, feeling the freezing cold water calm my nerves and the warmth spreading throughout my body over just talking about Yuki. It was a subject I hardly shared to anyone. "But just like Tohru, that's the way I feel about Yuki. Yuki is all the things I can't be, but I love him so much because he only wants to become better everyday. He taught me that. To look beyond what I'm told to be."  
  
"But why did Momiji get mad at you? Why was he shouting at you?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure Hatori's told Shigure by now and he's already told Momiji." I faced him. "And I'm going to tell you now, but you have to protest not to do anything about it. You will just listen and accept it."  
  
He just looked at me blankly. "I don't like the sound of this…"  
  
"Just promise me, Kyo. You take this to your grave."  
  
Slowly, he nodded his head.  
  
"You know I went to Akito's about a month ago, right?"  
  
He bobbed his head up and down. "Was it the night you and Yuki were talking?"  
  
"Yes. And because I was too honest with my feelings towards Yuki, Akito got mad."  
  
"The usual reaction."  
  
"We made a promise that if Yuki falls for me, then we can go on as an accepted couple in his eyes."  
  
"And the catch is…"  
  
"The catch is that if Yuki doesn't fall for me, I have to kill myself, Kyo."  
  
His eyes just stared at me.  
  
I had expected him to shout at me and beat me up like Momiji, but somehow, this was much more painful.  
  
"That's why Momiji did what he did…" he trailed off while his eyes kept their gaze at me. "I can't blame him for what he did."  
  
In a scathing tone, he shook his head and said, "My mother did that. Camouflaging kind words for fear. Pretending to love me when she was only afraid I'd hurt her."  
  
With disbelief in his clear eyes, he continued to scold me, "Why? Whenever someone says that they love something or someone, do they say that they love them to death?"  
  
He pushed me away.  
  
"Let me tell you something, she was wrong and you are wrong! Kana-san was wrong and so was Momiji's mother! They were cowards!" He sighed in frustration. "I used to be scared of myself too! But I learned that it's harder to live with no one by your side and when you push everyone away. You shouldn't ever forget what makes you, you!"  
  
"Kyo…" I tried to reach out to him, but he turned his back to me.  
  
"I've always admired you, Haru. For always knowing what you wanted from life." Glancing back at me, he shook his head. "I've always you seen you as my little brother. So why now are you giving up?"  
  
It was then that his hands became fists and one hand grabbed my collar. He shook me violently with a tear falling from his eye. "I'm disappointed in you, Haru. I thought you were tough."  
  
I swallowed what he said as I watched the waves come back and forth while he silently stomped away from me.  
  
As my knees wobbled, I fell as the ocean waters covered me with their cold hands. I put my hands into the water and grabbed for the muddy sand.  
  
I couldn't see my reflection in front of me and my eyes wouldn't let me cry any more tears.  
  
Why was it the people I was trying to protect the most were the ones I'd hurt with all my silent might?  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Okay, so I made Kyo also very strong with his words too. I thought he should have said what he did in this fic because of his own experiences. 


	13. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: yui doesn't own fruits baskets.  
  
music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 12 – let me show you..  
  
"Well, this is great," I sarcastically commented to myself as I sighed while looking at the sight before me. It was the understatement of the year, but I knew I had to say something before I would really break down.  
  
Now, almost everyone knew and it was Kyo mad at me at the moment.  
  
I swiped the water's surface angrily and washed my face with the salt water of the sea. Then, I began to laugh while getting up. "These are now my tears. How ironic."  
  
What was I going to do now?  
  
Who was I supposed to turn to now?  
  
The answers pointed to myself. Only I knew what was going to happen and yet, I closed my eyes to pray if there could be another way.  
  
Why did things turn out this way?  
  
I hung my head again as I sighed. My heart was going to burst from its burden and yet I could say nothing because I wouldn't know what to say.  
  
"I'm disappointed in you, Haru," he had told me.  
  
Of all the people, I hadn't expected Momiji and him to say this to me.  
  
After a long while, I turned around and headed back to the beach house, but I saw the light was on in the living room. I thought it was only Kyo sitting on the couch as I was walking from the patio, but I saw Hatori, Shigure, Tohru, Kyo, and Momiji all over the room too.  
  
They all had contemplative faces and as I entered through the threshold, they turned to me.  
  
I stood there for a moment looking into their faces.  
  
Some part of me wanted Yuki there…  
  
But I knew that wasn't possible.   
  
Not here. Not now.  
  
As I took another step, Tohru immediately stood up. Then, she whispered with tears in her eyes, "Haru…"  
  
At that moment, she frowned with tears going down her face as she calmly sat back down. "I can't even hug you."  
  
I sighed as I looked over at Hatori. "You weren't supposed to say anything."  
  
Hatori's guilty eye looked away, but pointed towards Momiji.  
  
Momiji then rose his hand up and whispered, "I was the one that told them the whole story while Yuki was sleeping."  
  
He gulped as he closed his eyes with infliction written all over them. "I…We want to help you, but we're stuck."  
  
Kyo, who was looking away from me with his arms crossed, joked, "Maybe we should ship them off."  
  
I pouted as I sat by him. Leaning my head on his shoulder while he was still upset, I said, "Still mad at me now?"  
  
Messing up my hair, he tilted his head a bit. "Just a little."  
  
I then smiled as I patted his shoulder while lifting up my head, but it was Momiji who came over to the couch. He sat next to me and leaned his head on my shoulder this time. "I think Kyo's got a good suggestion."  
  
Shigure shook his head while keeping his arms folded before him. "Not good. Akito would still find some way to find you two, especially if it involves Yuki."  
  
"The only way may be that you leave or Yuki leaves." Hatori suggested while staring at them as he leaned his weight on the wall in back of him.  
  
"Isn't there another way?" Tohru spoke up as she hugged the pillow in her arms. "This is exactly what Haru doesn't want."  
  
I looked at Hatori and then my eyes looked at the ground in confusion. "It may be the only way though. As long as Yuki's safe, then I'll leave."  
  
Momiji got off my shoulder and shook his head while shouting. "No!"  
  
"Momiji!" I harshly scolded along with Kyo.  
  
"What's wrong, Momiji?"   
  
Yuki then walked down from the stairs and found us all in the living room.  
  
No one said anything and we avoided looking at him.  
  
Tohru was the one who couldn't hold back as she looked at Yuki. Unable to be nothing but honest, tears started fall down again.  
  
Yuki panicked as I knew he would.  
  
"Tohru?" He immediately kneeled before her. "What's wrong?"  
  
I almost didn't want to watch, but I couldn't.  
  
Tohru didn't say anything.  
  
"No one will tell me anything, huh?" Handing her a handkerchief, he got up and looked over at Momiji. He bowed his head in gratitude with a sad smile. "I heard everything, Momiji. Thanks for being honest with everyone."  
  
Then, he turned to me with an annoyed look on his face. "I would like to talk to you."  
  
He turned his head to look at everyone. Politely, he requested, "I'm sorry everyone, but I'd like to talk to Hatsuharu alone."   
  
A chill went down my spine as he said my full name.  
  
Hatori stepped up and nodded his head. "Take your time. I'll be taking everyone to Shigure's."  
  
No one protested as Shigure said, "We'll see you in the morning."  
  
"Thank you," Yuki said before the door closed behind them.  
  
His eyes darted at me as I stood in my place feeling as if a sudden earthquake would happen and the earth would eat me alive.   
  
I had never seen Yuki look so upset to the point that I couldn't read if he was more frustrated, disappointed, mad, or feeling all this at the same time. I just took a deep breath waiting for my sentence.  
  
"You're so sure, aren't you?" He walked over to me.  
  
That wasn't a question I expected…  
  
"Sure about what, Yuki?" I backed up until I was up against a wall.  
  
He stood in front of me and shook his head. "So sure you'd die."  
  
I just looked at him with a blank look while gulping.  
  
Of course I had, Yuki.  
  
It was then that my heart finally came face to face with the very questions I didn't want to ask myself:  
  
How could I win against Tohru?   
  
How could I possibly live through Akito's tyranny and his possessiveness over you?  
  
Slamming his hands to the wall by the sides of my neck, he looked at me deeply with tears in his eyes. "I know you've been told not to tell me, but that's exactly what Akito wants you do."  
  
No, Yuki…  
  
This is exactly what I didn't want to do…  
  
I didn't want to hurt you this way…  
  
Slowly and shakily, his hands touched the sides of my face. A tear went down his cheek. "You coward! You should have told _me_!"  
  
At that moment, he kissed me so forcefully that I thought I was going to pass out.  
  
Looking at my eyes again, he shouted, "How could you be so sure this wouldn't hurt me if you didn't tell me? How could you believe I'd let you die so easily?"  
  
I shook my head with eyes closed shut as I honestly said, "I can't! Not against Tohru or Akito. When you're next to them, I'm so far away from you!"  
  
"Look at me, Haru. Tell me that you hate me so that you won't have to suffer anymore."   
  
I could still feel his warm hands on my face.  
  
And here I was melting from his touch even though he wanted me to tell him the very thing I could never say to him.  
  
Carefully, I opened my eyes to see him looking directly at me.   
  
I still didn't say anything.  
  
Taking a hold of my collar, he pulled and pushed me to the wall while threatening, "Tell me, Haru!"  
  
"No!" I shouted back at him.  
  
At that moment, he pulled my collar again and we ran to the hall, with him running as I walked quickly backwards. Bumping onto another wall, I gulped in pain as my back hit it.  
  
"Were you lying to me, Haru?" Yuki desparately asked me. Then, he shook his head as he threw me towards the stairs. "Were you lying that night to me?"  
  
He stood over me and then he began to loosen his shirt and unbuttoned it.  
  
"Yuki, what are you doing?" I sat on the stairs looking at him in confusion.  
  
"You think I didn't love you?!" He said angrily as if he didn't hear me.  
  
I opened my mouth a little as I stared at him wide-eyed, not knowing what the hell was happening.   
  
I didn't know what to say to his words…  
  
"Yuki, I-" I started to say as he came over to me and kissed me passionately on the lips.  
  
Pulling away from me, he shook his head again with his frustrated eyes looking down at me. He began to rip my shirt open. "You think I don't love you, Haru?!"  
  
I stared into his hurt eyes.  
  
Now, I could finally see what I was blind to…  
  
While still holding onto the collar of my shirt, he picked me up and pressed me against the wall while going up the stairs. While kissing me over and over, our shirts left a little trail on the stairs as we made our way to his room.  
  
Throwing me onto the bed, he then leaned over me and whispered into my ear breathlessly, but aggressively,  
  
"Then, let me show you how much I love you."  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Importantly, I forgot to mention that within this fic, I tried to get rid of –san and –chan not because I find it bothersome, but because I thought they'd be close enough to be comfortable enough to say each other's first names.  
  
Oh god…it's really hot now…  
  
I hope this didn't come out too sappy, but I thought Yuki would have reacted this strongly. ^_^ I can't and won't let Haru die so easily. Hee. 


	14. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: yui doesn't own FruBa.  
  
music without words.  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 13 - blind to me.  
  
Yuki then began to smirk at me as he crawled on the bed with his knees next to each of my ribs. He sat on my stomach as he put his hands on my chest. "I don't know what I'm doing..."  
  
Leaning forward, he bit on my ear and then down on my neck. "But how can I prove to you that you're wrong, Haru?"  
  
"Yuki..." I was still shocked, trying to ingest all this as I felt him just kissing me. Trying to touch me...  
  
Trying to be so close to me as if we were of the same skin.  
  
He made my chest so red with his sucking and his teeth. I sometimes writhed in pain while grabbing the sheets as he whispered into my ear, "I'm sorry."  
  
Shaking my head, I would take his head into my hands and kiss him back to let him know how hard it was to watch him with Tohru or Akito. That I wasn't there who was making this impression on him.  
  
Then, I shook my head as I still tried to believe in this. Some part of me wanted this. It was something I had always waited for...  
  
...but some part of me doubted.  
  
Still doubted the sincerity of these feelings.  
  
How...  
  
Why to Yuki of all people?!  
  
I pulled away from Yuki and sat up on the bed. I shook my head as my hands rested on one of the edges of the bed. "This isn't...you shouldn't feel...I can't..."  
  
I got up as he sat on the bed looking at me with dumbfounded eyes. He was so confused and I didn't want...I didn't like that look.  
  
I couldn't bear to look at him and so I found myself running away. Running away like the time that I was watching them tending the vegetable garden. I was going to surprise them that I had come and by myself too without getting lost.  
  
But I saw Yuki and the way he patted Tohru on the back. The way he watched over her with a smile.  
  
I felt like some stupid girl who doesn't know any better.  
  
I ran outside and into the ocean. I kneeled before it and washed my face.   
  
Salt...  
  
I wanted to cry.  
  
Why couldn't I cry? What the hell was wrong with me?  
  
"Haru!" Yuki ran after me and just dropped the towel he brought to the sand. He then hugged me while I stood there silently.   
  
I lifted up my head and looked at the dark sky before me. So very dark.  
  
"Don't pity me, Yuki!" I shouted as I pushed his arms away from me. Turning around, I shook my head as I stepped back and more into the water. "This is _exactly_ why I didn't tell you anything! I know you more than anyone!"  
  
He stood there looking at me as water dripped off my body and back into the water, stinging a little from his kisses. How ironic.  
  
I sighed deeply with my eyes looking straight into his. "And the person that is still in your heart is Tohru."   
  
My heart cringed even more and twisted beside itself...  
  
I couldn't breathe from this...  
  
"I will always have that impression inside of me. I've seen everything."  
  
At that moment, because it was so painful to say all these things that I expected never to say or admit, tears started to come out from the sides of my eyes.  
  
Drip...drip...  
  
"No...you're wrong." Yuki then shouted at me as he pushed me and I fell into the shallow water. "You're wrong, Haru!"  
  
Standing before me, he leaned forward and shook his head while I laid there below him. Like a tiger, he came closer to me crawling seductively. Then, he licked my tears away as he kissed my lips again. Taking the back of my head, he pulled me forward and kissed me even deeper.  
  
As a rush of water kept on coming back and forth, it ran through the contours of our bodies.  
  
"Why are you afraid of me loving you back?" he whispered into my ear as he slipped his hand to take off my pants and my boxer shorts. Letting them slide onto the shore along with his.  
  
I looked into his eyes as he kept me there below him while the water kept on coming and going between our entanglement.  
  
And for a moment, we looked at one another with fear.  
  
Why...  
  
Why was so afraid?  
  
"Of all the people I cared for, I didn't want to hurt you the most," I told him honestly. "I've been so used to you never looking at me that how could I possibly even think you would?"  
  
"Haru?" Placing his hand on my cheek, he smiled at me gently. "You can hurt me all you want. But if you leave me now, you'll truly break me."  
  
"What are you saying...?" I asked, not understanding him.  
  
With serious eyes, he replied, "I've been watching you as long as you've been watching me. Don't be blind towards me anymore, Haru..."  
  
I opened my eyes in surprise, but then, he kissed my lips again before I could say another word. At that moment, he didn't explain anything else as he entered my body. I cringed in pain that I grabbed onto the sand below me.   
  
"Yuki...Yuki..." I said as in between all his kissing.  
  
I gasped for breath, but he kept on continuing to kiss me until every inch of my body had been explored and touched...  
  
Yuki and I laid on the sand with the large towel over us, looking up to the darkness around us.  
  
As he breathed calmly, I looked into his face and wiped the remaining sweat away with my palm, but I just smiled at him sadly.  
  
Akito...  
  
Will never accept this no matter what I do...  
  
I looked away from him and turned to one side.  
  
Without a word, he kissed the back of my head. While sliding his hand over my chest, he found my hands. Whispering from behind me, he said, "Don't worry. We'll find a way..."  
  
"We..." I mumbled to myself and held his hand closer to me.  
  
No...  
  
I wasn't alone anymore.  
  
I believed in that now.  
  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
author's note: I'm sorry, but I'm really, really bad with lime. ^^;;; And I'm totally inexperienced in lemons. * gulp * I'm totally bad with 'scenes' so please bear with me because I'm still learning. Plus, the fact that I was presenting that Yuki and Hatsuharu are inexperienced with this type of stuff would make this realistic. ^^;;; I just thought that the situation seemed the right time to put this, though.   
  
Poor Haru. Thinking Yuki didn't like him 'cause he was so used to thinking that; so, he couldn't see that Yuki was falling in love with him, but he couldn't believe it. I'm just sorry it was sappy. ^^;;; I was aiming for dramatic since this was one of the main arguments throughout Haru's perspective: how could yuki love him? When in reality, Yuki already had.  
  
I'm happy at the progress...but we'll see if I kill Haru or not. _I_ know, 'cause I'm the author, but can you handle the suspense? 


	15. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: FruBa isn't mine.  
  
Music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 14 – onaji no chi. (the same blood.)  
  
When we went back to the beach house, Yuki leaned down to kiss my wound while re-patching the bandage after I had taken a shower.  
  
When Hatori picked us up that morning, Yuki was still taking a shower while I made us some tea. While pouring some in a cup for Hatori, he lit up a cigarette and puffed on it before asking, "I assume you've worked things out?"  
  
I nodded slowly as I took a sip of my tea while looking out onto the patio instead of at him. If he asked me anything else, I would have been embarrassed to reply.   
  
Sensing my apprehension, he didn't ask me anything further. He just sighed as he lifted his cigarette to his lips. "Yuki knows. I can't imagine what will happen now."  
  
Then, he patted me gently on the head. "And I don't want to imagine what Akito will do when he finds out Yuki returns your feelings."  
  
At that moment, I noticed something on his neck as he turned to look out to the patio. My eyes instantly became suspicious as I pointed at the wound before me. "What's that?"  
  
"Akito's love mark," Hatori answered without hesitation.  
  
"Do you honestly love that bastard?" I asked as I looked at him baffled at this reality.  
  
Hatori, at that moment, smirked at me while taking another puff of his cigarette. I didn't know what to make of that and I couldn't question him further as Yuki came down with his things, ready to go home.  
  
We were silent in the car, but as soon as we went through the front door, Momiji jumped into my arms and said, "Haru!"  
  
I smiled as he patted my cheek softly. "I'm sorry about that."  
  
I shook my head. "No, I needed it."  
  
As we gathered for breakfast, Tohru and the others sat around the table. We ate until Momiji said, "I'm not beating around the bush. What are we going to do?"  
  
"We can't exactly do anything to Akito," Kyo said as he drank his miso soup. "And they can't run away. So, the only thing to do is endure it."  
  
"But the terms were met," Tohru commented as she poured rice into her own bowl. She looked at Yuki and smiled at him quietly while the others were wondering what to do.  
  
"I know Akito the best," Yuki spoke up as he lifted up his chopsticks to eat his fish. "He will do his worst to get his way."  
  
"Akito will do something regardless." Shigure agreed as he took a sip of his tea. "After all, Haru wasn't supposed to let Yuki know."  
  
"How could I avoid that when all of you were talking?" I said in a monotonous tone.  
  
We all sighed.  
  
Then, Hatori said, "Just do as you're told. If you guys get involved, it will only aggravate him more. The only thing I can advise is to just to do as Kyo said. Endure it."  
  
"Thank you, everyone," I said with a smile as I looked at each of them. "But please, let's just make the best of what we have…"  
  
I glanced at Hatori as he turned away from me.  
  
Somehow, I had a feeling he knew what the hell was going on…  
  
And I didn't like it.  
  
--  
  
When these things happen in some movie or tv show, you expect something spectacular to happen. You kind of wish that you were on a show that you wouldn't really have to feel your way through.  
  
But this isn't made up.   
  
It's real.  
  
And it's happening to me.  
  
I went to school on Monday and as I had wished, things went as 'normal' as they possibly did. No one mentioned anything and we ate our lunch together. Yuki and I still hung out on the roof while looking down at the students playing different sports below us.  
  
When I was going to ask him what he said on Saturday night, someone came to him to ask an emergency question about student council. So, I was alone on the roof not knowing how to feel.  
  
Why should I be punished for something like this?  
  
Because I am under Akito's jurisdiction.  
  
We of the zodiac may have human hearts, but we cannot completely control our own lives. That was for Akito to decide.  
  
Long ago, therewas a time when I looked at him in awe. I would watch him when he went to look out the window. For some reason, he reminded me of Yuki.  
  
There's a saying that when you look at some people, their beauty becomes enhanced the more you look at them. You want to look at them more and more. But then, there are people that you look at and even though they are beautiful, you're repulsed by it. You become disgusted by it. That's how I looked at both Akito and Yuki.  
  
They could have passed off for brothers just because of the way they looked, but I could see from Akito's eyes that he loved and despised Yuki for being his 'twin'. Yuki could do all the things he never could do, but he loved Yuki enough to give him the most attention.  
  
Awful as it was for torturing him, this was Akito's form of love.  
  
That's why I couldn't learn to look at him in any other way.  
  
I feared him.  
  
I feared his way of affection.  
  
So even though Momiji held my hand while going to school, he didn't say anything. Tohru tried her best to smile during lunch while Kyo punched me on the shoulder in frustration.  
  
Yuki just leaned his head on my shoulder and patted my knee. "There's nothing to be afraid of. Isn't that what you told me?"  
  
I smiled as best as I could through all my nervousness.  
  
And when we said goodbye to everyone, I just said with a calm smile, "I'll see you later."  
  
Tohru started to cry and wouldn't look back at us while we parted ways. Momiji walked with Kyo and Tohru while trying to console Tohru.  
  
He was the one with the strongest face for me.  
  
That's why he was my best friend.  
  
Yuki and I just walked silently towards the main house, but Hatori picked us up in his car as soon as we turned one corner. Again, the frigid air among us was restless and silent.  
  
I just took deep breaths while Yuki looked out the window. Poised as ever.  
  
It made me wonder how long it had taken for him to open himself up to be able to say anything that was in his head.  
  
We entered through the gate and were instructed to go to Akito's room. Hatori was our grim reaper who led us through the familiar hallway that made everyone shudder. I often wondered what did Hatori think whenever he had to go to Akito.  
  
How could he learn to be so patient with him?  
  
Hatori opened the door and closed it behind him as Akito stood before us while we knelt to the floor. He looked at us for a long minute and smirked while tilting his head playfully. "Arrogant, are we?"  
  
No one said anything, but I just kept my eyes clear and determined. I was looking straight at him with no shame on my face.  
  
"You think Yuki loves you? We'll see." He knelt before me and took my chin. "We had some terms, Hatsuharu and this is my first request: Yuki has to kiss me as if he were kissing you."  
  
I twitched as I looked at Yuki. "You said requests for me, not Yuki."  
  
"I said I had requests, but I never said they all had to be done by you."  
  
Yuki's hands became tight fists as he looked at Akito with hatred in his eyes. I glanced at Hatori, who seemed so indifferent when you looked at his face, but I now could tell. He was looking at Akito so closely while Akito himself stole a glance at Hatori, almost delighted at the response this had caused.  
  
He then went to kneel before Yuki and touched his face. "You don't have to do anything. Remember I told you that? But at the moment you defy me, I'll take away Honda-san."  
  
My eyes opened wide as I looked at Yuki, who was avoiding my eyes as he stared straight into Akito's.  
  
This was their agreement…?  
  
Akito held Yuki's face like a fragile vase in his hands. He turned his head to me and smiled triumphantly, "Honda-san came here without anyone knowing. And I said that if she took Yuki away from me, she would never see Yuki again. No one would."  
  
I took a deep breath while Yuki still looked at Akito as if he had instantly turned into stone.  
  
He began to laugh. "I didn't tell her how…Oh, how fragile the human heart is when the object of their affections is in danger."  
  
"So you see, Yuki?" He turned back to Yuki as he came closer to him. "The girl whose honesty you love, actually has lied to you. She pushed you away to save you. She really does love you. What do you say to that, Yuki? She was ready to marry you, asking me for permission without you knowing."  
  
I held my breath and my heart began to become harder and harder…  
  
That's why…  
  
That's why she kept on crying…  
  
She really did return his feelings…  
  
Yuki looked as if he had stopped breathing.  
  
I was so speechless that I just shook my head. I looked at the ground as I whispered, "Then why…why did you do all this?"  
  
Then, I glanced at Hatori and my heart fell. "You knew…"  
  
For the first time in my life, Hatori had lost his calmness. He turned his eye away from me in guilt.  
  
"By the time this ends, I want to know who you want to live: Tohru or Haru." Caressing Yuki's cheeks, he said, "I want to see who you love the most. But no matter who lives, I want you to know you're always mine, Yuki."   
  
Akito leaned forward while saying, "Didn't you know? Love is like music without words. It comes unexpectedly in a moment of inspiration, whatever that may have been triggered from.  
  
"The instrumental is uncontrollable, and it's like karaoke. You know the words, and you can hear them in your head. It's just you can't sing them aloud. Even if they're right there on the screen.  
  
"It's a beautiful, familiar melody, but it's so hard to follow. So cruel that it will rip your heart out by the time it is done."  
  
At that moment, Akito closed his eyes and kissed Yuki.  
  
Yuki lifted up his hand as began to push his shoulders to the ground. He was actually kissing him back…  
  
My eyes were plastered on them kissing.  
  
But, I was watching as if this were someone else inside of me…  
  
Who was going to live, Tohru or me?  
  
I watched them as I became numb from the inside out…  
  
I realized it now. Sometimes the characteristics you hated about someone else were actually your own, but you're blind to them…  
  
This is what all of us in the zodiac had in common with our 'core'…  
  
In this sense, I was no different than Akito.  
  
I mumbled as if to myself, with a self-mocking smile,  
  
"We're all the same.  
  
We would go so very far for the person we care for.  
  
Even if it leads to our own self-destruction."  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Twisted? You bet. I don't like making things too predictable or else it'd be boring, ne? How will I resolve this? Hee. I just hope I'm able to do it well.  
  
I'm always weary of making a bad ending. 


	16. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket does not belong to me, so I don't hold any of the rights. I just write because I love the show.  
  
Music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 15 – choosing destiny.  
  
But no…  
  
I didn't want to be equated to Akito's level. They all thought it was high, but how could you rate cruelty so highly?   
  
We would go so far for the one we care for…  
  
But is that true love or vindictive hate? Such a thin line…  
  
And I can't see the difference anymore.  
  
My hands became angered fists that shook as my eyes became darker and darker. As I got up, I ripped Yuki away from Akito. Putting my arms protectively over his chest, I gave Akito a malicious expression as he looked back at me with eyes that equally wanted to eat me alive. "HATSUHARU!"  
  
Yuki's body was shaking with fear as I felt the sweat of his back leaning on my chest. He breathed heavily while looking at me wearily.   
  
No…  
  
Yuki shouldn't be this way…  
  
This was what I was fighting against, dammit!  
  
Gravely, I hissed, "You can't touch him, Akito."  
  
I tightly held onto Yuki as he looked at the ground trying to avoid both of our eyes as his confusion rose within his body.  
  
"I'm quite impressed you got this far, Hatsuharu…" Akito laughed as he caught himself and became a bit calm with his shaking anger protruding through his quivering body. He took a fan shakily and held it to his face like a mysterious woman hiding her moves. He glanced at Hatori and then at me. "But I wonder who was Yuki kissing while he was kissing me?"  
  
Clasping the fan with a flick of his wrist, he stood up. He took the end of the fan and put it under my chin. Then, he backhanded it across my face, which was already swollen from Momiji's punch. The fan ran through my skin and I began to bleed on Yuki's shoulders. I clenched my teeth in pain, but I wouldn't cry out.  
  
I wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of making me suffer. It made me hold onto Yuki tighter.  
  
Akito then licked the blood on the tip of the fan with his tongue. "Regardless, you pass the first test."  
  
I spat at his feet with blood. He looked at me sternly, ready to hit me again.  
  
"Now, the next is this." He eyed me as he said, "Whom do you choose Yuki? Tohru or Haru?"  
  
Smiling, Akito leaned forward to look into Yuki's eyes.  
  
At this, Yuki looked at him defiantly. "I want both."  
  
Akito shook his head as he gave a fake pout. "Oh, I can give you both, but I don't want to. You must only pick one."  
  
I held onto Yuki, but in the back of my mind, I didn't want the pain in his eyes. This was Yuki. The person who usually knew what to do.  
  
Why should he be ruled by a tyrant that doesn't know why there's something called the human heart?!  
  
My strength was draining. Akito knew how to play with us…  
  
So well, so well…  
  
"I'd rather die than give them up," Yuki replied.  
  
"That's not an option, my dear Yuki," Akito said while shaking his head. "Tohru or Haru, Yuki? Tell me who lives. Tell me who dies."  
  
At that moment, Yuki pushed my arms away. For the first time in his life, he voluntarily reached out for Akito's collar. Gently, he wrapped his arm over him while placing his hand on his cheek. With eyes full of strength, his voice expressed his determination. "I want both. I know you can give me both. If you do, I'll give myself to you."  
  
I opened my eyes widely as I saw this seductive Yuki that was so unfamiliar to me. He wasn't innocent. Yuki was definitely confused.  
  
But why…  
  
Why was he looking at Akito so clearly?  
  
With pain. With frustration. With confidence.  
  
A reflection of the way Akito always wanted him.  
  
This wasn't the Yuki I knew, right? This was what I was protecting...?  
  
I didn't know this could hurt so much…  
  
My tears were falling to the ground before I had known what was happening inside of me.  
  
"We go so far…" I glanced back at Hatori helplessly, but he continued to look at Akito without wavering.   
  
I closed my eyes at the betrayal…  
  
Yuki's eyes wouldn't look back at mine with his guilt.  
  
I knew that if he turned, he'd cry…  
  
And it was then that I realized that Yuki wasn't losing himself.  
  
He had been the Yuki I knew all along, the one I was protecting…  
  
For he wouldn't do this if he didn't care so much…  
  
As always, the prince…  
  
But I cared for him more than he knew all these years.   
  
Akito and Yuki were dense in this sense…  
  
To love someone wasn't about keeping them close. It was about letting them grow.  
  
I opened my eyes as my hands unclasped themselves.  
  
"That's right. That's why I'm here…" I whispered to myself as I watched Akito.  
  
But if you're the prince…  
  
I'm the knight who made sure to not let anything happen to you…  
  
At that moment, I shook my head and pushed Yuki away from Akito. I knelt before Akito in defeat. Touching my head to the ground while my fingernails pushing into the floor, I said, "I'm sorry for defying you. I shall accept my punishment."  
  
Yuki then stood up while looking at me in shock, "Haru?  
  
With hot tears on his face, he then shouted in back of me, "What are you doing?!"  
  
My eyes stayed open with no tears as my heart was breaking with him crying for me while Akito smiled triumphantly. Now, it was Yuki saying this to me.  
  
"Why didn't you believe in me?!" Yuki shouted with hurt as I heard him opening and closing his hands in frustration.   
  
In annoyance, I refused to glance back at him. With pain, anger, and hurt, I stared at the ground with a grave expression on my face. I couldn't shout back, "I do believe in you, Yuki! If I didn't, I wouldn't do this! Even if you don't understand!!"  
  
But if I did, then Akito would do something worse to Yuki and the others…  
  
The room became silent, but then Akito said, "I told you that you should have listened to me from the beginning, Haru. But you're too late. Yuki now controls your fate."  
  
I refused to look back at because I didn't want to influence his judgment. With a calm face, I waited for his answer.  
  
You won't be happy here with me.  
  
I want you to pick Tohru.  
  
Be happy with Tohru, Yuki…  
  
She told me she'd take good care of you.  
  
In resignation, Yuki's sigh filled the room. Though I had been prepared from the start, I felt my heart stop when he firmly said,  
  
"I choose Tohru."  
  
I sincerely smiled to myself as I looked at the ground.   
  
You are free.  
  
We are both free from this horrible life…  
  
Finally, my dear Yuki,   
  
you can leave this damn house.   
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
author's note: I know this particular part is progressing slowly. Since this is the focus of the story, I wanted to bring out the most dramatic points. I hope it is going well for those of you reading. As for me, whenever I read the last two lines, my heart hurts.  
  
Please don't hate Yuki! I love Yuki and when you read the next chapter, you'll understand why he did what he did. ^^v 


	17. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: yui doesn't own FruBa.  
  
Music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 16 – all this time…  
  
"And the little Honda girl still wins." Akito chuckled arrogantly as he cocked his head to one side to look at me. "It is settled then."  
  
Sighing, he lifted up my chin again with his fan. "I wish we didn't have to go through all this trouble."  
  
I looked at him with nothing else to say, but I nodded slightly in compliance.  
  
"It is now time," Akito said as he put my chin down while looking at Hatori.   
  
I gave them a curious, worried look. I began to feel my stomach turning over in fear as I watched them talk silently to one another.  
  
Akito folded his arms as he waited for Hatori to come to the front of the room. Yuki and I just looked at them quietly. Actually, Yuki was glaring at both of them, when I glanced at him.  
  
Akito looked at Yuki, while Hatori pushed Yuki's shoulders to make him kneel in front of him. As Akito stood in back of Hatori, he said, "And we'll erase you from Yuki's memory."  
  
My heart stopped beating entirely as I held my breath.  
  
All this time I was preparing myself to die, but not in that way.  
  
No…  
  
Not that way….  
  
Anything but taking Yuki's memories of me!!!  
  
I looked on in horror as Yuki turned to me with a slight smile. "Trust me, Haru. I'll remember."  
  
I wasn't breathing as he looked at me so intensely.  
  
So sure that I got confused all over again.  
  
Then, he turned over to Akito as he began to give the mysterious, dark smile that made my skin crawl. He only gave this look and tone whenever he was royally pissed off.  
  
With defiant eyes, he boldly said, "I'll remember, Akito. Over and over again, I'll remember Haru."  
  
His tone became an octave lower. "Then or now. Isn't that why you're so eager to get rid of him?"  
  
My eyes opened wide as I looked at both of them. I watched Hatori as he took a deep breath.  
  
And it was then that I felt so sorry for him…  
  
How much he would do for Akito because he cared for him…  
  
It was disturbing, yet sweet though.  
  
"Then or now?" I asked in bewilderment. "Yuki…what are you talking about?"  
  
But he kept his eyes steadily on Akito's angered ones.  
  
"I said I will not forsake any of them, Akito," he said as he took a deep breath. "You and Hatori know more than anyone else one of the reasons why I've gotten 'punished' so much."  
  
Slowly, he got up with his hands in fists. Then, he continued, "I never needed 'to fall in love' with Hatsuharu or this stupid challenge you've given because you _knew_, Akito, that I had loved him ever since I first saw him when he was little."  
  
"The legend will always say that the mouse rode on the cow, but why? Why must that be? The cow admired how small and cute the mouse was, thinking he was ugly and fat. He admired the mouse so much but couldn't say how much he loved her.  
  
"What the cow didn't know was that the mouse admired the cow for being big and able walk in the light. He always had to walk in the darkness because people feared him. But a cow? No one's scared of a cow unless you tick them off."  
  
I just blinked at Yuki with nothing to say, but my admiration of him was growing even more.  
  
The very thing I had always thought of him as was his own dilemma. He was looking at me the same way I had watched him all these years…  
  
I continued to blink at Yuki in shock and I couldn't believe what he was saying while I breathed slowly with tears wanting to slip from my eyes at the impact of it all.  
  
"Akito, you know Haru was given to me when he was one year's old. That's the part of the legend you're trying so hard to push away, by masquerading it that we can't be together because we're both male."  
  
Akito looked away as I gave Yuki a weird look.  
  
"'Kawaii onna!' I stupidly said, right?" He began to cry with frustrated tears. "'I want.' It wasn't mama or dada or Akito, I looked at Haru said, 'I want.' And I said it while he was in his cow form when I was two and a half!"  
  
"So he's mine!" He then shouted as if finally letting out a secret he had kept inside for so long. "Haru is mine, dammit!!"  
  
Slashing his hand through the air and stepping forward as Akito watched him with hateful, yet pained eyes, Yuki continued to say, "I'll always remember as long as it comes to Haru. When he first spoke to me, even though you erased his memory. When he used to sleep in my bed. When we once played together. When he first gave me a drawing that you crumpled in front of his eyes, right?  
  
"I have watched him and you kept on erasing our memories of one another. You even spread that rumor of the cow being a fool so that he would hate me, but you were wrong!"  
  
Yuki had loved and cared for me all this time…?  
  
I began to see my tears on the wooden floor. And then, I turned to Yuki again.  
  
"Haru's life belongs to me," he said, still standing tall and elegantly while tears were falling from each side of his face.   
  
With his entire body shaking, he shouted with his whole heart,   
  
"He's mine.   
  
He's always been mine, but you always kept him away.   
  
You took him away from me!"  
  
--  
  
Author's note: That was really fun. ^_^ I know I should have just combined both the last chapter and this one, but I just couldn't resist being cruel. My friend Winnie the Pooh always gets mad at me for torturing my characters, but it's because they're my favorite! ^^;;; I'm weird.  
  
I just love reactions whenever I do things like that. Hee. What's fun about a singular plot?  
  
Well, one more part and we're done guys. ^_^ And yes, promise it's a happy ending. I planned that from the beginning, but it's no fun if I say it. :p 


	18. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own FruBa. "Don't Dream It's Over" is by Crowded House.  
  
Music without words  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Epilogue - we'll make it.  
  
"It's over, Akito," Yuki finished as he shook his head. At that moment, he came over to me and knelt down with a smile. "Let's go home."  
  
"Yuki!" Akito shouted as he got up while still shaking in his anger. "You're not allowed to make decisions without my approval."  
  
Yuki glanced at Akito and smiled wistfully. "But will you allow yourself to go against what I want, Akito?"  
  
Akito sighed as he shook his head. "This is one thing you and I hate about one another, and yet this is the one characteristic in which we're both alike."  
  
As Akito was about to step forward, I was getting up while watching Hatori get up and grab Akito's arms. Even though Akito protested, almost looking like he wanted to cry in his defeat, but too proud to.   
  
Yuki and I quietly walked away as I glanced back to find Hatori's arms wrapping around Akito's shoulders carefully, lovingly.   
  
"You can't do this to me!" Akito shouted as I closed the door behind me.  
  
I looked at Hatori as he began to whisper something into Akito's ear and closed the door completely.  
  
Yuki waited for me, but refused to look back.  
  
As I packed my stuff, Yuki leaned on the doorway and crossed his arms.   
  
"What did they erase?" I asked him as I found myself confused on whether or not I wanted to know. And I didn't know if Yuki would be comfortable to speak about it.  
  
"Almost everything," he said in a soft voice. "But not everything..."  
  
We were silent as I packed all of my important belongings into my bag, but I stood there looking at him quietly for a moment.  
  
He then said as he looked at the wooden floor, "You used to hug me, Haru."  
  
His eyes looked up to mine as he smiled sorrowfully. "Like the way you hugged me in the rain. You used to hug me every time I would run off somewhere to be by myself. But for some reason, you always found me.  
  
"You were the only one who would embrace me that way. That's why when you did hug me like that while we were in the rain, I cried even more. Subconsciously, you were remembering me."  
  
He sighed. "Do you know how hard it was for me to always watch you or talk to you as if nothing ever happened between us? I died each time. I cried each time. I'd curse Akito each time.  
  
"I watched you for so long always knowing that I didn't mean anything to you and you didn't know why. We would meet and meet again with your eyes looking at me blankly. It was hard, Haru. Very hard.  
  
"And so, you tell people about me being your first love while you didn't know you are my first love. I didn't want you telling people that story not because it was embarrassing, but that it hurt me every time. I answered you the best that day because I knew you inside out.  
  
"I knew what bottle you drank from. I knew what stuffed animal you went to bed with. I knew everything. How could I possibly say you were a fool if I didn't know these things already?"  
  
Tears were welling up all over again as I listened to him.  
  
He was watching the window while I was staring at him.  
  
All the suffering I thought I had gone through for him...  
  
Only to find mine was nothing compared to his.  
  
Then, he looked at me. "That's why I didn't resist you when you took me to that hotel or when you kissed me. I knew exactly what was coming to me. I would be punished, but I had waited for you, so I couldn't say no to you at all by that time."  
  
"But why did you choose Tohru?" I shook my head. "You told me you loved Tohru."  
  
"I feel strongly about Tohru, yes. I said to her and you that I liked her a lot." But he looked at me with a sad smile. "I told you she taught me the world was beautiful. But I never said I loved her. I said I would have liked to be with her forever if she wanted to be with me.  
  
"You were the one that opened my heart, but you didn't know."  
  
With tears in his eyes, he smiled at me, "Why do you think I could have answered you so strongly? Think about it, Haru. When you I asked you, 'Are you a fool?' and you answered that you weren't. I told you, 'Wakatte.""  
  
Holding my cheeks in his hands gently, he looked deep into my eyes. "You thought I said 'I understand'. I was telling you 'I know'."  
  
At that, I hugged him back and closed my eyes as I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Then why...why didn't you say anything to me?"  
  
"Do you know how much it would hurt me if Akito would hurt you? If I treated you indifferently, he wouldn't hurt you. But sometimes, it was so much to take." Then, he zipped my bag and put it over his shoulder. "It's time to go home, Haru."  
  
Smiling back at me, he said, "I'm not leaving without you again."  
  
And we walked out of the Sohma main house without looking back.  
  
I remembered the day he smiled so strangely as he moved out to go to Shigure's...  
  
Now I knew why he looked like he was going to cry while he grinned at me and patted my head...  
  
"Yuki?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"How many memories were erased from both of us?"   
  
He thought for a moment. "Many..."  
  
But then, he looked at me confidently as he pulled my head with his hand for a moment to kiss my ear. "I've remembered enough for both of us, but what's important is now."  
  
I nodded my head as I walked beside him.   
  
When we got back to Shigure's house, we explained most of the story to them and I was now a permanent resident of his home. We were all relieved and we ate a lot at dinner. Momiji refused to go home. Apparently, he was resolved to sleeping at Shigure's until Hatori came for him.   
  
After everyone got ready for bed, I went to bed. But, Yuki talked to Tohru before going to sleep. I wondered what they were discussing, but I decided against it. That shouldn't for me to know.  
  
As I was falling asleep, the door of Yuki's room opened and he came in. Instead of going to his futon, he went straight into mine and snuggled inside while hugging me. I blinked at him as I said, "Hmm? Yuki?"  
  
"She understands now..." he said to me. "About everything."  
  
I just nodded not knowing what to think as my eyes were falling down.  
  
But then, Yuki whispered into my ear while running his fingers through my hair soothingly. "I fell in love with you Haru ever since you hugged me. I came home from school one day and you ran towards me with the biggest smile in the world. 'Welcome home!' you shouted to me."  
  
I was starting to become awake. "I did?"  
  
"I always wanted someone to be that warm to me..." He laughed. "And you never knew how much I appreciated it...I'm sorry I never got to tell you..."  
  
"That's why I told you to trust me, Haru," he softly scolded.   
  
At that moment, when he said 'trust me, Haru', something blurry came back to me. It was blurry image of Yuki holding me in his arms saying that I shouldn't cry. Being a cow was great. At least you get to walk in the light...  
  
I looked into Yuki's eyes as he said, "I think Akito was right about one thing. As twisted as he was, I've also thought love was music without words."  
  
It was scary how alike they were...  
  
And yet how gently Yuki acted against Akito's harshness...  
  
"Sometimes, the best things can't be said in words. I think that's why I believed his words too..." I said while looking at Yuki. "As much as I don't want to admit it."  
  
"But why, Haru?" he asked me quietly as he gripped onto my shirt while kissing my cheek. "Why would you risk dying and not letting me ever know?"  
  
I smiled as I shook my head. Closing my eyes, I gently, yet confidently said:  
  
"That burden that I had for a long time, it was lifted when you told me I wasn't a fool. I was fighting to live because of those words. To live for myself without listening to other people.  
  
You were the one who showed me that people weren't cruel. That the world could be warm and wonderful.  
  
That's who you are to me, Yuki.  
  
And I would gladly die for that.   
  
I never asked for anything from you because you gave me all I needed."  
  
I felt him nod his head as he began to sing:  
  
"There is freedom within, there is freedom without  
  
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup  
  
There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost  
  
But you'll never see the end of the road  
  
While you're traveling with me   
  
Hey now, hey now  
  
Don't dream it's over  
  
Hey now, hey now  
  
When the world comes in  
  
They come, they come  
  
To build a wall between us  
  
We know they won't win   
  
Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof  
  
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof  
  
In the paper today tales of war and of waste  
  
But you turn right over to the T.V. page   
  
Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum  
  
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart  
  
Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof  
  
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief   
  
Hey now, hey now  
  
Don't dream it's over  
  
Hey now, hey now  
  
When the world comes in  
  
They come, they come  
  
To build a wall between us  
  
Don't ever let them win."  
  
I was falling asleep as he held me closer. Then, he whispered sleepily, "It's funny that you picked the same song I used to sing to you. Before you fell asleep, letting go of my sleeve. Before they would erase your memory."  
  
I blinked in surprise as I fell asleep when I said, "Now I know why it's your voice I always hear whenever I think about the song."  
  
"I was always watching, Haru. You just didn't know."  
  
When I woke up that morning, I opened my eyes to see the sun outside of Yuki's window. The sky was blue with some clouds over it.   
  
And there was Yuki next to me, sleeping peacefully. And I didn't want to wake him just yet. I was just happy that it wasn't a dream.  
  
It wasn't going to be erased.  
  
You can erase the mind like a chalkboard,  
  
But you can't erase what's written in the heart.  
  
It is like music without words.  
  
You can always rewrite the lyrics.  
  
But the tune will always be the same.  
  
The unspoken meaning will stay unchanged by time or trouble.  
  
"We'll make lots of memories, Yuki," I said as I smiled while laying there in our futon. "Lots and lots of memories..."  
  
Things were only going to get harder from here, but that was okay.  
  
We'll make it.  
  
Owari.  
  
--  
  
Author's note: I didn't want to dwell too much on the Hatori/Akito because I would deal with that in another fic. I didn't want to put too much emphasis on Tohru/Yuki because it would have made this fic go off-tangent too. Instead, I tried to make the ending short and sweet.   
  
Even if it's just the two of them talking, I felt that that was most important. They were talking to other people instead of each other. I know that the ending was very romantic, something I don't usually like doing, but I just felt that's how their relationship should be.  
  
Throughout the fic, I put everything from Haru's perspective, so it seemed like all he could see was Yuki's affection for Tohru when he couldn't see it for himself. There were so many twists and turns and I had so much fun doing them. (Yes, I torture my characters because I love them. The more I kill them, the more I like them, actually. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;; Yuki...poor Yuki...* lol *)  
  
Thank you for your support. This was just an idea that popped in my head. I didn't expect such a strong response to it, but thank you for reading. I just wanted this fic to be about someone (Haru) who was so focused on not being loved in return, that he failed to see that he was. That Yuki had first found his 'home' through Haru, but couldn't express it.  
  
It wasn't just about growing or falling in love with someone or even about protecting your happiness. It was about how far would you go and sacrifice in order to get what you wanted, whether or not it was a 'good'.   
  
The only thing that bugged me was that I made Akito so dislikeable...seemingly. Actually, I enjoy writing about him. By being so cruel, he was just expressing the other side of humanity. I think Yuki and he are very similar, just at opposite extremes. And Haru sees this and is sometimes scared by it. Why? Because they're all connected to the 'core' in such extreme ways.  
  
Again, thank you and I'll try my best to write more Fruits Baskets. ^^v  
  
Love, yui  
  
08/03 


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